Now I’m thinking I’m not autistic

I don’t know if I am autistic or not. I think I’m mild bipolar and level one autism. I score full marks for autism and full marks for bipolar and I don’t know who I am as I try to get things right. I’m in burnout and have been for decades. 

anyone know of anyone with bipolar and autism or how common it is?

  • I'm pleased it may help. I am just noting what has helped me. But I was so stubborn and closed, I thought I knew best, and had to discover and validate it all on my terms, rather than take short cuts. If you do the same it's fine, but if I only plant a seed, the idea may still grow.

    It may be worth considering if proper help from a clinical psychologist may be best. A diagnosis may tell you what you have but not what to do. If knowing dictates the path, or if self doubt will block progress (my problem), a diagnosis may be best starting point.

     If the label is less important and progress is needed, then you may get some clarity from help. You want someone with lots of experience. 

    I initially approached a counsellor but masked too much. The psychologist saw through what I was doing. I didn't and was in denial at first. But ideas grow if they are true. The pain was severe, but honesty eventually allows healing and then you can find the inner you and be who you should without fear. It is not easy though, but nothing worth having is. And the path is not smooth.

    Take plenty of time to lie on a bed, close your eyes and either let your mind wander or just let it go blank. Music helps too. This is what I did as a teen and I forgot about it. Plenty of quiet time is so helpful.

  • Thanks, Stuart. I really appreciate your advice — it’s spot on. I’ve consistently scored full marks on autism assessments and also strongly identify with the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder. I believe those traits developed over time through long-term gaslighting, undermining, coercive control, and being demeaned.

    Thank you as well for taking the time to write everything out — there’s a lot of helpful advice in what you said, especially about rest, routine, and being kind to yourself. I need to try focusing on recovery and rebuilding balance after long-term burnout, and your message was really thoughtful and grounding. Thanks again.

  • Hi Iain, thank you for your reply. The Gp in this area is unable to send me for an assessment as they don’t have anywhere here to go. But I can only go private and that cost £2k.

    I’m wondering if any of you have thought about Avoidant personality disorder and if any of you have that or can show personally the differences?

    I haven’t seen anyone about the burnout but I think  I will keep trying.

    Thanks Iain

  • As Iain has said, you will need help to determine for sure. The tests, questionaires, are only indicative and are to exclude negatives. If you score low in the autism tests then you aren't, but if you score high you may be, it is not conclusive. This is why additional meetings with psychologists are needed to be sure.

    If you are having trouble, and you can't sort it out privately, you only have the GP to help you. They are the gateway. The test results should help convince them you need a diagnosis, particularly if you are struggling.

    I don't know they determine bipolar, it may take long term observation.

    If you burnt out, you need to do something to help you. Try to eat well (balanced, without too many carbs, supplements if something is missing), drink enough, rest, avoid caffeine and alcohol, he AVE routines, light exercise, avoid stress as much as possible, take the pressure off yourself, ask for help if you can. If you have trauma that is eating away at you, you need to find a way to get some peace, or to park it for a while. If you have sleep problems, sorting this trumps all else. You don't need to sleep in one go, you can sleep in 90 minute chunks, try to get at least 6 or more hours minimum.

    Make the most of good moments to feel positive, and give yourself something for the bad moments, something you can look at to remind you.

    In the down moments know that it will pass, look at what you wrote or drew or put out for yourself.

    Be forgiving of yourself. Don't expect so much.

  • I don’t know if I am autistic or not.

    The simplest way would be to get a diagnosis - have you considered requesting your GP to arrange one?

    Bipolar can be trickier to accurately diagnose so I would request an assessment for this too.

    Your GP may ask why you want these diagnoses so I would spend some time to document the traits you exhibit for both just in case - take these with you to either talk about or show to your GP when requesting them.

    Bipolar can lead to you feeling quite different at different times so this is why you need a professional to assess it - your judgement may not be objective enough to self-diagnose.

    I’m in burnout and have been for decades. 

    Have you sought any professional help from therapists to manage the burnout and get back to a healthier balance?

    anyone know of anyone with bipolar and autism or how common it is?

    This article quotes a number of studies that have pretty different results, from 27% of autistic children showing bipolar symptoms (their words) to another study showing only 8%.

    I suspect the studies are not looking at the exact same things but there is a significant overlap.