Black and white, or shades of grey thinking

This reminds me of lyrics in a New Model Army song called 'The Cause' - 'All we wanted was a chance to see the world, In black and white instead of a hundred shades of grey'.

I can be black and white thinking as in I have a strong sense of what I think is right and wrong and how I like to do certain things.  However, in general - opinion, decisions etc, I think I'm more a 100 shades of grey, as I look to weigh up all the possibilities and look at things from lots of different angles to feel like I'm making the 'right', 'balanced' decision.  I'm sometimes accused of getting bogged down in the details, not seeing the wood for the trees etc.  It can totally cause me to overthink. 

My 'big picture' usually gets constructed from the bottom up using all the details.  It's both a blessing and a curse (or if we're being grey something in between!).  

Thank you Jo, it is a blessing and a curse, unlike ArchaeC I'm not sure it's a fear of getting it wrong, it's more a distrust of knee jerk reactions and those who ask me to make them. Often things are phrased in a way that attempts to trip up any dissenting voices and what seems like a fairly normal question suddenly turns toxic as a whole backstory I was unaware of unfolds. It's a power play and as many of you who read my posts will know I dont' like power games and refuse to play them without very good reason.

My response to people who accuse me of getting bogged down in details, is that I want to make an informed desicion and why do they have a problem with me getting the information, what are they afraid I'll find out?

Yes somebody has said they don't understand me or how I think, but then I don't understand how they think either, I only object when it feels like someones having a pop at me because of it. I know my somewhat muddled senses mean that not everyone can associate an over cooked fried egg with net curtains, but that's OK, we can have a laugh about it, it's when the B&W thinkers can't seem to accept that thats how it is for me and make no attempt to understand me but expect me to understand them.

I don't stim either, nor do I have ADHD, which seems to make me a bit of an outlier.

Would people not engage with me if they didn't think I'm ND? I often feel as if I'm not ND enough, or that my points on the spectrum only overlap on a coouple of points.

Thank you Jo, it is a blessing and a curse, unlike ArchaeC I'm not sure it's a fear of getting it wrong, it's more a distrust of knee jerk reactions and those who ask me to make them. Often things are phrased in a way that attempts to trip up any dissenting voices and what seems like a fairly normal question suddenly turns toxic as a whole backstory I was unaware of unfolds. It's a power play and as many of you who read my posts will know I dont' like power games and refuse to play them without very good reason.

My response to people who accuse me of getting bogged down in details, is that I want to make an informed desicion and why do they have a problem with me getting the information, what are they afraid I'll find out?

Yes somebody has said they don't understand me or how I think, but then I don't understand how they think either, I only object when it feels like someones having a pop at me because of it. I know my somewhat muddled senses mean that not everyone can associate an over cooked fried egg with net curtains, but that's OK, we can have a laugh about it, it's when the B&W thinkers can't seem to accept that thats how it is for me and make no attempt to understand me but expect me to understand them.

I don't stim either, nor do I have ADHD, which seems to make me a bit of an outlier.

Would people not engage with me if they didn't think I'm ND? I often feel as if I'm not ND enough, or that my points on the spectrum only overlap on a coouple of points.

I never thought it was, I'm glad not to have ADHD too, I've just noticed that many here do have it as well as autism and that it seems to make me an outlier.

Studies suggest 50-70% of people with ASD also have ADHD. As far as I know, I just have ASD, I didn't score highly in the ADHD tests.

The purpose of being on a forum is to get some benefit. I takes time and energy. If sharing your points and reading others is helpful, informative, calming or rewarding, then it is all fine.

It is not a competition.

TheCatWoman said:

Would people not engage with me if they didn't think I'm ND?

I can’t speak for everyone, but I engage with you because we share some interests and it is an enjoyable thing to do. It is likely that others would have similar and perhaps more reasons why they connect. It is you as you are that makes people engage, so perhaps your autism makes connection easier, but it’s not as if people check to see how high your autistic support needs are before they will consider engaging. 

Your writing style is blunt and to the point, so that can be an autistic trait. My communication style is at times also to the point, but then I overcompensate by using formal and longwinded, overly polite language to avoid offending people, so I can’t get a balance. Sometimes I can’t tell if something is impolite or not. I used to be criticised for being offhand, or else overdoing the politeness, it’s impossible to get a balance. 

TheCatWoman said:

nor do I have ADHD, which seems to make me a bit of an outlier.

From the posts here, I would estimate that a lot fewer than 50% of the people here have ADHD, so don’t let that make you feel excluded. Anyway, while the forum isn’t exclusive, the NAS charity was set up to support autistic people and their families, so perhaps people here with AuDHD/Autism & ADHD unnecessarily feel as if they are on the boundaries too. Sometimes I feel as if nobody gets how my focus can be unpredictable and my concentration disappears. I have times when I feel incapable of writing anything here, or my responses seem shallow or callous, but by the time I’ve noticed, it’s too late to edit them.