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Has your autisticness changed over the years?

Stuart333

Not sure autisticness is a real word, but you get the idea.

If I think back to how I was In my 20s, then 30s, then 50s, and now post diagnosis, plus how I am in and out of burnout, I can see some changes.

In my 20s I was far more set on what food I would eat, I had stricter routines, changes made me uncomfortable, I couldn't approach strangers at all, I was quite timid, I couldn't really do social events, if I had to they were a lot more stressful than enjoyable, something to be endured.

As long as not burnt out, I became less timid, more outwardly assured, albeit at the expense of chronic stress, and did more. I stopped most scripting and rarely replay conversations now. I became much better at using forums, and even calling people on the phone (I couldn't use it as a teenager). Social events are hard but not as bad, I still feel awkward, I think that will never go.

I think as you get older there is less new stuff so your sphere widens.

Is this other people's experience?

Parents

  • This is a really good question, somethng that I was thinking about the other day in fact. 

    Maybe autism is mutable, develops in different ways. A lot of it pre-diagnosis is not knowing that you're burned out or overwhelmed or the why. I had one adult meltdown 35 years ago and didn't understand what it was. I had other meltdowns that were disguised. I used to be very shy and quiet. Self-conscious. Confused, then inexplicably furious if a lot was going on. I was more blunt. I'm not sure who I am because of the mask I used and still use. But if I had any set needs, I was always compromising them in order to be accepted or not be a 'terrible' person.    

    Age has gradually brought more confidence, a welcome defiance. I find if anything I am stronger about protecting boundaries so I am even more set about certain things. As if to say, no, this makes me comfortable, this stays. I am still quiet, but proudly so. another post talks about seeing things black and white versus shades of grey. I've had to dial down the bluntness. But my shades of grey are high-contrast. Even though my diagnosis arrived late (and tbh I can't see it having happened anywhere between the 70s and 90s), I like how I am now. Mainly because I have my answer. 

  • in reply to PunkSwan

    I recognise a lot of what you say in myself Punkswan, I was late diagnosed too and I think I had a couple of melt downs in my twenties and thirties that weren't seen as such, it's hard to tell as so much else in my life was such a mess too. I definately relate the fears of being thought of as a terrible person, I dont care about it as much now, not because I want to be disliked, no one does, but I'm less willing to accept that everything's my fault and feeling constantly on the back foot. Now I just accept that I'm not going to get on with everyone and as long as I can look myself in the eye without wincing then I'm OK, even when few others agree with me.

    I have noticed that there seems to be a huge differnce in those of us who were diagnosed later in life, known on here as Latelings and those who've been diagnosed early in life. I think some of the problems faced by those diagnosed at a young age, maybe due to the huge gulf between childrens services and adult ones, even though nearly all the groups of ND adults seem to focus on the young, us older ones are just left to get on with it.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    It's good to meet like-minded (or like-wired) people, even if it's online. Interesting point you make about generational differences even though we all face similar challenges. Things have changed, though. I wonder how many girls were diagnosed with autism in the 70s. Not that I want to get partisan here, it's just a particular viewpoint. 

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you Iain, that's interesting and it confirms my suspicions. 

  • in reply to PunkSwan

    I wasn't wanting to get partisan etiher, I'm just interested in the differences between us latelings and those who were diagnosed young. I like to think I would be recognised and sent for assessment these days, but I don't know. I guess it depends on luck, environment, your parents economic background and your local authority. Many don't seem to have enough provision or rather can't afford it and then there's all those who think it's all overblown and just a fashion, what we do about those who think it's a fashion I don't know?

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  • in reply to PunkSwan

    I wasn't wanting to get partisan etiher, I'm just interested in the differences between us latelings and those who were diagnosed young. I like to think I would be recognised and sent for assessment these days, but I don't know. I guess it depends on luck, environment, your parents economic background and your local authority. Many don't seem to have enough provision or rather can't afford it and then there's all those who think it's all overblown and just a fashion, what we do about those who think it's a fashion I don't know?

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