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Patronising Bosses

NeuroVerse

Hi all,

First post so please bear with me...

I started a part-time job back in April 2025 in a primary school. At the start of this academic year, the school got a new headteacher. Recently a parent has complained about me which has resulted in me receiving an official verbal warning from the headteacher with accompanying extra training.

At the end of my shift today, I received the official paperwork about this complaint and disciplinary procedure. I haven't told anyone directly at the school about my autism diagnosis, but disclosed it to occupational health during my very short assessment before I started working at the school. The headteacher said to me at the start of this meeting "I understand you're autistic and everyone is a little bit on the spectrum..." I've heard this statement so many times, I am very rarely affected by it anymore. I don't believe that is correct but everyone is entitled to an opinion. My problem lies with when I was reading the documents and the headteacher said in a patronising tone "I know there are some big, complicated words here. Are you sure you understand all of this?"

For context, I'm an avid reader and achieved grade C at A Level English Language. I believe I am above average when it comes to my comprehension of the English Language and formal documents. Being autistic doesn't mean I'm academically challenged. Like having depression doesn't mean you just feel sad. (My full diagnosis is severe psychotic depression with auditory hallucinations and being on the autistic spectrum.) 

Am I being unreasonable here feeling insulted and offended how my boss treated/spoke to me? Should I say anything back or make a complaint about this? I am looking for a new job because the state of education in this country is not one I am enjoying or can cope with long term. I thought I was doing well in my remission with my mental health, but something like this may knock my confidence and self-esteem considerably. I'm an overthinker as it is, and have been replaying every conversation since Monday with people multiple times, trying to find any hidden meaning or my misunderstanding.

Parents

  • Hello NeuroVerse

    Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like a really difficult and frustrating situation, and you’re absolutely not being unreasonable to feel insulted by those comments. Autistic people often face challenges at work because of poor understanding from colleagues or managers, and what you’ve described could understandably knock anyone’s confidence.

    You have the right to expect respect and fair treatment. We have a resource that might help: www.autism.org.uk/.../what-can-i-do-if-im-having-trouble-at-work

    It covers issues such as lack of understanding, bullying, discrimination, and situations where there are concerns about your ability to do your job or dismissal.

    As the responses from other communuty users shows, you’re not alone in this. Many people have faced similar challenges, and there is guidance and support available.

    Kind regards

    Sharon Mod

Reply

  • Hello NeuroVerse

    Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like a really difficult and frustrating situation, and you’re absolutely not being unreasonable to feel insulted by those comments. Autistic people often face challenges at work because of poor understanding from colleagues or managers, and what you’ve described could understandably knock anyone’s confidence.

    You have the right to expect respect and fair treatment. We have a resource that might help: www.autism.org.uk/.../what-can-i-do-if-im-having-trouble-at-work

    It covers issues such as lack of understanding, bullying, discrimination, and situations where there are concerns about your ability to do your job or dismissal.

    As the responses from other communuty users shows, you’re not alone in this. Many people have faced similar challenges, and there is guidance and support available.

    Kind regards

    Sharon Mod

Children