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Patronising Bosses

NeuroVerse

Hi all,

First post so please bear with me...

I started a part-time job back in April 2025 in a primary school. At the start of this academic year, the school got a new headteacher. Recently a parent has complained about me which has resulted in me receiving an official verbal warning from the headteacher with accompanying extra training.

At the end of my shift today, I received the official paperwork about this complaint and disciplinary procedure. I haven't told anyone directly at the school about my autism diagnosis, but disclosed it to occupational health during my very short assessment before I started working at the school. The headteacher said to me at the start of this meeting "I understand you're autistic and everyone is a little bit on the spectrum..." I've heard this statement so many times, I am very rarely affected by it anymore. I don't believe that is correct but everyone is entitled to an opinion. My problem lies with when I was reading the documents and the headteacher said in a patronising tone "I know there are some big, complicated words here. Are you sure you understand all of this?"

For context, I'm an avid reader and achieved grade C at A Level English Language. I believe I am above average when it comes to my comprehension of the English Language and formal documents. Being autistic doesn't mean I'm academically challenged. Like having depression doesn't mean you just feel sad. (My full diagnosis is severe psychotic depression with auditory hallucinations and being on the autistic spectrum.) 

Am I being unreasonable here feeling insulted and offended how my boss treated/spoke to me? Should I say anything back or make a complaint about this? I am looking for a new job because the state of education in this country is not one I am enjoying or can cope with long term. I thought I was doing well in my remission with my mental health, but something like this may knock my confidence and self-esteem considerably. I'm an overthinker as it is, and have been replaying every conversation since Monday with people multiple times, trying to find any hidden meaning or my misunderstanding.

Parents

  • I suppose you could write a formal response suggesting that you felt that the language used by the headteacher was inappropriate and by suggesting that everyone was somewhat disabled (by being on the spectrum) constituted disability discrimination and that the headteacher therefore needed to attend some training on disability discrimination.

    Regarding the comments about the complicated words if you listed your qualifications when you applied for the job then that just makes their behaviour more discriminatory and makes their need for training more obvious.

  • in reply to Trev

    The problem will be it will not really help to complain about the head, particularly if you have a formal warning, unless you are disputing the warning.

    If a quiet word I'd not possible, save it for an exit interview if you find another job.

    I think just keeping quiet is best.

    Let your results speak for themselves.

Reply
  • in reply to Trev

    The problem will be it will not really help to complain about the head, particularly if you have a formal warning, unless you are disputing the warning.

    If a quiet word I'd not possible, save it for an exit interview if you find another job.

    I think just keeping quiet is best.

    Let your results speak for themselves.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you both  and  for your advice.

    As much as I would love to argue back and find the whole situation with the formal complaint and how it has been handled unfair, I do believe it would be worse for me if I did say anything. (I can't go into detail obviously about the nature of the complaint, but it contains untrue information about what I said, and the parent took to social media to complain about me which I'm not sure of the outcome. I haven't seen the social media post as I am not on that platform and I also don't want to know.)

    My application form included all of my qualifications and some of my GCSEs were mentioned at interview. As this is a new headteacher, I am unsure if they are aware of my qualifications.

    I hate using my diagnosis as an excuse and very rarely mention it due to what people may think of me. I am so used to masking, I could list it as a skill in any applications! I just want people to understand the spectrum of neurodiversity more, but I don't think I am the right person to deliver that information.