Eye contact

Looking into your little ones eyes is so different!

I try to vary it. If anything, sometimes I overstare. I'm OK with people I'm close with. In romantic situations, it's great. (But I'm autistic!)  When my daughter was born I had no problems looking into her eyes. Apparently, a lot babies (generally) need eye contact from caregivers. I can't remember whether I did, only that I'd close my eyes as a young child when entering shops and restaurants. 

For me it's kind of like trying not to blink, I can do it for a bit but then have to blink, same with eye contact I can do it in bits before having to stop.

I learned that we could focus on the other person’s nose, I started doing that but sometimes I just can’t do it.

Ava said:

I was told off for not giving eye contact about 16years ago and I give long constant eye mainly now

Growing up, I had a similar experience to you so I learned to make eye contact. My parents often described people who didn’t make eye contact as being shifty/dishonest/not right. 

I get uncomfortable making eye contact for extended periods of time and would focus slightly below the eyes during prolonged conversation. During brief conversations I sometimes look at the other person’s eyes but would break the contact with sporadic glances elsewhere. I tend not to give much eye contact to people who know I am autistic.

From knowledge I’ve gleaned through books and this site, some autistic people would struggle to make any eye contact, while others don’t have a problem.

I don't no - although there have been some  times when romance has allowed me to do so more easily.

Very recently I have learned tricks that allow me to focus generally on the persons whole face including the eyes which they and I appear to be comfortable with.

For anyone interested in it, another visual trick where one learns where the blind spot of the optic nerve is available on this link to the new scientist web site The blind spot and the vanishing head illusion | New Scientist.  I got it to work and it's really weird!

I’ll only give eye contact to people I know for years. I always try to avoid giving it to anyone else but if I force myself I can do it at a cost (feeling uncomfortable). The distance plays an important role. If I’m far I can do it as it’s indistinguishable from the rest of the face anyways but if I’m close I hate it. Then I simply get lost in the conversation as I think about it and it can be a mess. I have a hyper fixation with the teeth though as that is easy to focus on and it’s close to the eyes. Because of this I find teeth the most important thing on a face. 

It's painful!!

avoid it like a dose….

Eye contact isn't something I generally have an issue with, although it can depend on the situation. When I give eye contact, I do it automatically without giving it any thought.

I don't stare... Well, not unless the person talking has bored me rigid and I've completely zoned out. What I think I do is look at the person's eyes for a few seconds, look at other facial features for a few seconds, then back to their eyes. I'll just repeat this process until the conversation ends. Depending on the situation and environment, I might also fleetingly glance at objects, scenery, other people, etc.

I give some eye contact to my beloved ones, i like studying the shape of my husbands eyes, but I usually do it when he is not looking back. Sometimes I give some eye contact to show the person, that I talk to them (if i approached them for some reason) and then look away or i remind myself to look from time to time into my partners eyes. Otherwise I concentrate on the conversation while staring blankly into some point in space, that is often somehow intriguing. Eye contact feels too close to me, in some cases even like someone penetrative my soul. Its hard to describe it, its not just anxious,  it's something else and deeper for me. Recently I spoke to a lady receptionist, she had a little star tattooed on her cheek. I really couldn't understand what she talked to me. This star on her cheek got my whole attention. 

I naturally don't give eye contact, I'm aware that its generally expected to give eye contact when talking to someone, so now and again when it enters my head that I "should" be giving eye contact I might give eye contact to the person who is talking with me, maybe for a minute, but it doesn't usually last long

Basically, I don't naturally give eye contact because I am autistic, but I know I should be giving it, so now and again I will do when the realisation comes into my head of how I should be giving eye contact

The more you think about it the more unnatural it becomes.

I watch 'mom on the spectrum' on YouTube a bit.

I don't see any issue with her eye contact, but the first video I showed to someone else they asked why does she keep looking away, so maybe I can't tell what is normal. Whatever.

I’ll give eye contact when socially expected but I instantly become too aware that I am deliberately doing so and fixate on how often I am looking the person in the eye then comes thoughts of them being able to read my mind and know I am finding this eye contact/interaction awkward. It makes me feel a little like a robot to be honest, nothing about it is unconscious or natural. Out and about though I may look someone’s way and if eye contact is made it’s only for a split second then I turn my head away, I’ll try and avoid looking at people head on. Sometimes they will smile at me but I won’t feel any urge to smile back  what a pleasure I must be! 

I either don't do glancing eye contact which is what people means when they say it, or I literally stare right at people. Hahaha.  

It depends on the circumstance, if I'm really listening to somebody then I give more constant eye contact, than when it's just general conversation

The distance I am from the person plays a big part, up close it’s almost impossible to maintain any form of eye contact, I have to look away…from a distance it can be easier, though still troublesome. I often find myself looking at the teeth and their mouth. With my partner however, I can look her straight in the eyes and not feel too bothered. I feel safe with her. 

It's a common trait in autistic people for sure. But being able to make or being unbothered by eye contact doesn't mean a person can't be autistic. As with every trait of autism, there is a huge variety of ways we can be affected but yes I would agree with the analogy that the capacity to make eye contact is also on a spectrum. I think all our autistic traits are. This is where the round spectrum visual with different areas comes in. We all have difficulties in the key main areas needed for an autism diagnosis but what we find difficult within those main areas will vary enormously.

I think it can vary for a variety of reasons. One being that it just isn't something that particularly bothers that person in the same way people are bothered by different sensory stimuli. Some people appear to make eye contact but actually don't. They look just above the eyes. Close enough people may not pick up on it but just enough that it doesn't bother the individual making the supposed eye contact. And also that so many of us have learnt to mask and like the original poster has said - they get told they're supposed to make eye contact so they force themselves to. You obviously will then get other people that very obviously do not make eye contact and look in a different direction all together.

But I'm aware there are still assessor's that will reject diagnosing someone based on them being able to give eye contact. That one simple trait does not define a diagnosis.

The autism diagnostic manuals say something along the lines of 'abnormalities in eye contact'. This does not just mean avoidance of eye contact, it includes overlong eye contact and what I do, which is to time eye contact so that neurotypicals find it comfortable to converse with me.

Having said this, even abnormal eye contact is not a yes/no criterion for autism diagnosis. Anyone, clinician or otherwise, saying that making eye contact rules out autism are wildly mistaken (talking out of their arses).

Eye contact is a big one for me. I do it only fleetingly. Anything prolonged is incredibly uncomfortable, even when I am trying to make myself do it, which I no longer do. I think some people can learn to tolerate it and some won't have any real issues with it, but it is a pretty common thing for autistic people. It sounds like it wasn't a thing you did naturally but have learnt.