Eye contact

Expecto_Patronum said:

It's long been debunked that autistic people don't make eye contact. Some do, some don't, some vary. Anyone that tells you that means your not autistic is just behind the time.

The NAS info on this is a bit vague but supports the idea that many autists don't like to do it. From https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/signs-that-a-child-or-adult-may-be-autistic

A core characteristic of autism is social interaction and communication differences. Examples of signs that relate to this core characteristic include:
...
preferring not to make eye-contact or finding this uncomfortable 

They refer to it many times through the article.

I guess it is all in line with the spectrum idea - our capacity to make eye contact is also on a spectrum.

I'm not arguing with you by the way, just expanding on a subject I was reading up on as it supports what you said.

I don't 100% know what I do. As soon as I think about it I change what I'm doing.

When I was a kid and young adult I'd repeatedly glance at people and then away. I avoided prolonged eye contact.

But I've become used to it. By default I don't hold eye contact very long, a few seconds, but this is normal 

I asked my psychologist about it in April and they said it wasn't obviously different. When talking I'd look away to concentrate, but that's normal.

I look at people carefully when talking to pick up tiny movements. But that's a different issue.

So either I mask it all subconsciously or I have become normalised.

It's long been debunked that autistic people don't make eye contact. Some do, some don't, some vary. Anyone that tells you that means your not autistic is just behind the time.

My eye contact varies enormously. In situations that I'm uncomfortable or talking to someone I don't know, I don't make eye contact at all. Most of the time I think I tend to make fleeting eye contact on and off. But there have also been times where I have not felt able to look away from a person - I don't really know how to explain that one.

Ava said:

Do you give constant eye contact?

I don't - I save it for when I'm talking about something serious and use it to convey the gravity of what I am saying.

I'll make brief eye contact in normal coversation but when I'm face to face with the person it very much depends on the relationship.

With a manager or underling then eye contact is pretty expected in these situations. It is a social convention to convey sincerity and failure to do this in most situations makes it seem that you are ashamed or have something to hide typically.

With family under normal circumstances it is fine to avoid it I find. I still do it when I'm showing respect to an elder though.

With friends I find it is not expected in the normal course of things.

For complete strangers it very much depends on the situation - a shop assistant for example would be a passing contact while reporting an incident to a police officer would take more eye contact.

One trick I found to use when I need to maintain eye contact in the likes of an interview or serious conversation is to study the iris of the person you are looking at - look at the structure and the little defects or imperfections to distract you from the fact that you are actually making eye contact.

It is a form of masking I guess but it makes passing as "normal" a whole lot easier in this specific regard.

If someone takes you to task about it then tell them to research autistic masking as their statement highlights their ignorance.