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Been in burnout for a year

k001

Hello all,

I was recently diagnosed (3 months ago) with autism at the age of 31, but I have been in autistic burnout for just over a year now. I've tried various different things and I just don't know what to do to get out of it. 

- I've tried a few different therapists/psychologists but I find they always focus on simple, surface-level things whereas I feel I'm dealing with deep issues about my identity, grief etc.

- I have sleep problems and been to the GP about this. Been given some antihistamines but they don't help.

- I have socialised only 3 times since the start of this year. The idea of socialising at the moment seems unbearable. The last time I saw a friend outside my flat was in June.

- The only person I see is my Mum every few weeks but now I'm getting quite bad shut downs every time I see her where I can't speak at all. I tried not seeing her for 3 weeks but it still happened again the next time I saw her. I don't speak to her on the phone and hardly text. I think it's happening due to feeling of mistrust and feeling misunderstood.

- I haven't been working properly since the start of the year. I'm self-employed (work from home) but struggling a lot financially.

- I've stopped responding to the few friends I have. I don't like some of the responses I got when I told them I'm autistic and I just can't face having to do more explaining. They do check in with me and I just don't know how to respond back. I feel blank. 

- I live on my own which benefits me so much, but I don't go anywhere except for short walks with my dog.

- I have tried to focus on my some of my special interests in this time but I have a constant nag that I should be trying harder to work or doing something else.

Before I was diagnosed I had slowly started to reduce social events because I thought I just had bad social anxiety. When I think of being 'out' of burnout now, I don't even know what that would look like. I don't know if this is my new norm or if I'm waiting for something to happen or how to feel better. I seem to have spent time a lot of time 'resting' but maybe I'm not doing it the right way. Any ideas would be appreciated. 

Parents

  • Your biggest issue is that you probably feel guilty making time for yourself. Even when you try to relax you feel you should be doing something. You put stuff off because you can't face it then feel guilty about relaxing. You then cant sleep worrying about it all.

    A lot of this is on your head. You have to change your perspective.

    Not sleeping can be down to lots of things. Too much screen time, stop at least one hour before bed, eating too late, lights too bright, use lamps in the evening, etc. I had screwed up my circadian rhythms. I always thought it was good, but now I see that is not the case.

    Do you have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, do you dream? Do you nap in the day.

    Sort out your sleep and the rest will follow.

    If you have a lot of buried stuff or trauma, this will take being calm to process. You need to feel safe for your mind to work through it. It has taken me 10 months, but I am getting there. I am much calmer now. I am a bit fragile if stressed, but the emotional flooding is getting less intense. 

    Work on stress. Same info I posted on another thread.

    If you are not already, pay attention to your body.

    If your shoulders start to raise (try hunching and lowering them to check), if you are breathing from your chest rather than your diaphragm (your chest goes up and down and your stomach doesn't move), you feel a knot or something under your sternum, you are getting stressed.

    Also, your heart beat can get stronger, not just faster, when stressed, I can feel my pulse in my throat.

    If these things happen, you need to calm yourself. Lower shoulders, say down it works, breathe deeper use your diaphragm, close your eyes for a few seconds, tell yourself you're safe, place a hand on your chest, these will all calm you. Do this for a minute or so each time.

    Get the stress under control, work on sleeping, light exercise, and proper food and hydration, cut out caffeine and alcohol, and you will start the get more regulated.

    Note that alcohol causes more problematic thinking the next afternoon. Caffeine is really not helpful even if it feels like it is.

    Try to change your mindset and don't put yourself under pressure. Leave things if you can, I have not done much in the garden this year and it is my number one hobby. Don't feel guilty for being lazy or doing something you enjoy.

    Write stuff down each day, and treat yourself as an experiment and look for patterns. Which foods cause trouble, what happens when you don't sleep well, etc. you can then make progress.

Reply

  • Your biggest issue is that you probably feel guilty making time for yourself. Even when you try to relax you feel you should be doing something. You put stuff off because you can't face it then feel guilty about relaxing. You then cant sleep worrying about it all.

    A lot of this is on your head. You have to change your perspective.

    Not sleeping can be down to lots of things. Too much screen time, stop at least one hour before bed, eating too late, lights too bright, use lamps in the evening, etc. I had screwed up my circadian rhythms. I always thought it was good, but now I see that is not the case.

    Do you have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, do you dream? Do you nap in the day.

    Sort out your sleep and the rest will follow.

    If you have a lot of buried stuff or trauma, this will take being calm to process. You need to feel safe for your mind to work through it. It has taken me 10 months, but I am getting there. I am much calmer now. I am a bit fragile if stressed, but the emotional flooding is getting less intense. 

    Work on stress. Same info I posted on another thread.

    If you are not already, pay attention to your body.

    If your shoulders start to raise (try hunching and lowering them to check), if you are breathing from your chest rather than your diaphragm (your chest goes up and down and your stomach doesn't move), you feel a knot or something under your sternum, you are getting stressed.

    Also, your heart beat can get stronger, not just faster, when stressed, I can feel my pulse in my throat.

    If these things happen, you need to calm yourself. Lower shoulders, say down it works, breathe deeper use your diaphragm, close your eyes for a few seconds, tell yourself you're safe, place a hand on your chest, these will all calm you. Do this for a minute or so each time.

    Get the stress under control, work on sleeping, light exercise, and proper food and hydration, cut out caffeine and alcohol, and you will start the get more regulated.

    Note that alcohol causes more problematic thinking the next afternoon. Caffeine is really not helpful even if it feels like it is.

    Try to change your mindset and don't put yourself under pressure. Leave things if you can, I have not done much in the garden this year and it is my number one hobby. Don't feel guilty for being lazy or doing something you enjoy.

    Write stuff down each day, and treat yourself as an experiment and look for patterns. Which foods cause trouble, what happens when you don't sleep well, etc. you can then make progress.

Children
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