Obsession

I don't have any advice as such, but as an autist I am well aware that it isn't uncommon to develop unhealthy obsessions with people we like and/or feel attracted to. It can be hard for us to understand and/or accept healthy boundaries.

It's horrible for the person on the receiving end of overwhelming unwanted attention, and it can be equally as traumatic for the autist who desperately wants some form of connection with that person, and doesn't understand or refuses to accept that they need back off and give that person some breathing space.

One thing that may be contributing to the situation your son has found himself is the instant-messaging world we live in. I think there can sometimes be an expectation that one will receive an instant reply. I include myself when I say that autists can sometimes forget that other people have their own lives, which don't always revolve around us. If we don't hear back from someone within we consider to be a reasonable amount of time, we can be prone to making what can often be incorrect assumptions.

When your son goes off because he hasn't heard from the girl, is it because he feels angry with her? Is it because he thinks something bad has happened to her and he feels compelled to check that she is ok? Is it because he's experiencing a whole host of emotions, thoughts, and feelings and he feels the need to be somewhere where he can be truly alone to try to make sense of them?

Although I don't think that my dad was autistic, I know that if he and my mother had fallen out and had an argument, he would take himself off for a walk to calm down. Sometimes he would be gone for hours. I used to do the same thing when I felt angry, and my son does it too. An overwhelming feeling of, "I don't know where I'm going, but I need to be somewhere, anywhere that isn't here!"

If you can afford the cost, and your son would be open to the day, have you considered going down the private therapy route?

Thank you for your reply. What would be the best way to approach the conversation with my son. I don't think he realises he has a problem. 

I would like to try the therapy route. He tried therapy before with a female. But after many sessions, she suggested he would benefit more from a male 

Thank you for your reply. What would be the best way to approach the conversation with my son. I don't think he realises he has a problem. 

I would like to try the therapy route. He tried therapy before with a female. But after many sessions, she suggested he would benefit more from a male 

CMW said:

I don't think he realises he has a problem.

This will be biggest issue.

He might think you are prying, being manipulative or messing up his life. Or he may welcome someone to talk to if he can bring himself to talk. Anything love or attraction related was impossible for me to talk about, to anyone. It seemed desperately personal at that age.

I don't know how you would do it, other than to try asking if everything is ok and if he is worried about anything.

As I'm just some stranger on the internet and I don't know your son, I would not feel comfortable telling you how I think you should approach that conversation with him. To be honest, as the situation you have described is not one that I've ever been in with my son, the short answer is that I don't know.

You know your son best. Maybe see if you can test the waters by initiating a conversation about healthy boundaries. If he is willing to engage with you, you could then build up to sharing your concerns about the friendship and his mental health.

As a mother, I know how difficult it can sometimes be to initiate potentially difficult conversation with one's offspring, especially when it is impossible to predict how they might react.

If you do end up going down the therapy route, then I think it might be wise to heed the suggestion made by the previous therapist.