Rebuilding self-worth and recognising unbalanced relationships

 I am 46 diagnosed this summer.

This is something I suffered with for many years/still suffer with. To the point where my marriage ended, and I now live separately from everyone in my life. Although I am very close to my mum and sisters who live nearby. 

Being around large groups of people is incredibly difficult for me education and early career were hard. I went for maybe 3 years after I first few years when I first graduated univeristy putting myself back togeteher, because in short I until that point in my life I had been taken apart (bullied mostly by young men, or women behaving like stupid young men). I realised there were people trying to set me back at univeristy and in my career to give themselves some advantage. 

There have been points in realtionships and in the workplace where people have just walked over me. Or looked through me in terms of my capability, My awareness of this early on is what helped me progress in small ways in the workplace. I am very wary of how people misuse relationships to their advantage. Even people we trust very well can undermine us. This has to become part of your own self-wareness package that you take to new situations. 

I always refer back to the simple principle that noone can bully you unless you allow them. You can apply this to every part of your life because you are in control. You just have to feel relaxed to be confident about yourself, which means managing anxiety (not thinking it is because of who you are). Once you are aware of that you are alreay one step ahead of anyone who wants to attempt gaslighting or minimisation. Your eyes will close the doors to people who want to mess around with you.

I can actuall y put my finger on the exact causes of all the main issues I have had with people. I am quite a happy person when left alone or not disrupted. The best thing you can do is look at past events without any bitterness, there will be points of realisation which you just have to accept because they highlight flaws in how you saw other people at that time, not flaws in yourself.

The only people that matter are those people who know me well, I get rudeness and mistreatment walking down the street everywhere I go which I do not understand but I choose not to dwelll on it. These are just facts of life, those people are weak and ignorant. You have to be a little thick skinned and block it out, even sometimes with family they may push your buttons or go too far with humour but they are more important over time to have around you.

I should add that I have made and won serious complaints against organisations and employers for staff mistreatment including universities. Realising now with my autism that they were breaking the law in their actions. This has also helped my confidence a great deal.  Also the recognition and apologies that those people were wrong and acting unprofessionally and that systems had changed. 

Hi pietro_21 

I can relate to a lot of what you've said.

You’ve had to deal with so much and have found a way to set boundaries and stay strong. I admire that.

I understand that a thicker skin is required.

I think what you said about holding on to bitterness really stood out, I'm still working on this.

I want to be able to spot the signs and I feel like I am getting better at this.

Thank you for sharing so much.(⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

Remember to always make time for yourself.  And know your rights!!

Remember to always make time for yourself.  And know your rights!!

Of course!!

Thank you!!