I hate being autistic

I used to hate myself for being inferior to others as I always call it. Since the suspicion of autism and research in tge topic as deep as possible, my whole view and understanding of myself has changed.  Its not an official diagnosis,  but suspicion confirmed by my therapist.  Maybe it's something else,  I'm open to the information if it's anything other than autism. So far not officially tested, so just suspected. I find myself in many stories posted here and I also saw other people's reactions to my posts about my experience. It's validating and it meansone thing for me - keep working On myself as much as I can and be compassionate to myself, I stopped being so harsh on myself for not doing as good as others. I struggle a lot with information processing (slower than others, which means, that I lose in any discussion,  because the others around me are basically faster than me and I can't prepare my answer within the conversation). And with social interaction- I'm not afraid of approaching someone if I have a reason and know what to say or ask, but I'm terrible at small talk and I'm anxious about being approached by someone, because I don't know what they would talk about etc.

I was always called by my mom: different, creative, with rich inner world,  sensitive etc. But then I heard the "good advice " that never worked "you just need to...". 

I find it interesting,  I see this phenomenon many times- the person, who was the closest, for example mother,  believes that her son/daughter is just their own way weird, its often said "you are just you" and although knowing their offsprings very well, they don't believe,  that the son or daughter has struggles, and actually is autistic or afhd. This is my case, my mom doesnt believe my therapist's suspicion is correct,  she thinks, its just me, but I have someone else who believes me and sees the symptoms- its my husband. 

I used to hate myself for being inferior to others as I always call it. Since the suspicion of autism and research in tge topic as deep as possible, my whole view and understanding of myself has changed.  Its not an official diagnosis,  but suspicion confirmed by my therapist.  Maybe it's something else,  I'm open to the information if it's anything other than autism. So far not officially tested, so just suspected. I find myself in many stories posted here and I also saw other people's reactions to my posts about my experience. It's validating and it meansone thing for me - keep working On myself as much as I can and be compassionate to myself, I stopped being so harsh on myself for not doing as good as others. I struggle a lot with information processing (slower than others, which means, that I lose in any discussion,  because the others around me are basically faster than me and I can't prepare my answer within the conversation). And with social interaction- I'm not afraid of approaching someone if I have a reason and know what to say or ask, but I'm terrible at small talk and I'm anxious about being approached by someone, because I don't know what they would talk about etc.

I was always called by my mom: different, creative, with rich inner world,  sensitive etc. But then I heard the "good advice " that never worked "you just need to...". 

I find it interesting,  I see this phenomenon many times- the person, who was the closest, for example mother,  believes that her son/daughter is just their own way weird, its often said "you are just you" and although knowing their offsprings very well, they don't believe,  that the son or daughter has struggles, and actually is autistic or afhd. This is my case, my mom doesnt believe my therapist's suspicion is correct,  she thinks, its just me, but I have someone else who believes me and sees the symptoms- its my husband.