I hate being autistic

Yes definitely. I'd say I've hated it throughout my life, and have never truly accepted myself for who I am. But I also know that there are positive qualities about myself that I would not have if I wasn't autistic. Music is a special/intense interest I have, and currently I'm a working musician, getting paid gigs and absolutely love performing, and so I most likely would never have gotten into music if it wasn't for my autism/special interests. Yes, there are things I really struggle with (social interactions, trouble making friends, slower processing of info etc.), so I totally get it, but for me personally I do feel it has led me down/is leading me down a pathway to success, and I'm sure that you have certain characteristics that make you talented (even if you don't realize it!) that you can take advantage of, and that make you yourself! You're not alone  

Thanks for your honesty. It's hard when it's fundamentally what has caused and continues to cause issues. Yeh there's been good times and I get it about having positives too like you say about being a musician but for me currently,  I hate it.

Thanks for your honesty. It's hard when it's fundamentally what has caused and continues to cause issues. Yeh there's been good times and I get it about having positives too like you say about being a musician but for me currently,  I hate it.

Thanks, BlueHawk and all of you for your support and kind words.   It does make a difference to know there are others with almost exactly the same problem. 

I struggle to do any meaningful parenting and interacting with people at all is a battle.   Most of my relationships are superficial or at least feel that way.

Thank you again!

Sorry you're having a rubbish time too. It's debilitating. Everyday is a battle. I certainly couldn't cope with children.

Hi BlueHawk! Where you are is exactly where I am right now.  (I am not diagnosed but with an autistic son with whom I share many behavioural similarities, it's highly unlikely I'd not be diagnosed.)  As much as I can see that my autism gives me some advantages (Music and IT capabilities to name two), I desperately hate that it is causing so many issues at home all the time.   I am really at an all-time low today and finding strategies to manage things is very hard.