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Empathy from neurotypical people

pthwaites7

Hi all, 

I'm new here - I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD just a few days ago. 

I've told my family about my diagnosis, and they have been very empathic, but not in a way that feels truly understanding! I tried to explain about masking and the lifelong sense that I've been pretending to be "normal", and how the result of that for me has been a sense that I don't know who I am beneath the masking. They responded by saying things like, "I gave up trying to be normal years ago". 

I can understand that response - I don't like the idea of "normal" either. But I'm this case, it just feels like a platitude that allows people avoid trying to understand how hard it is to be an autistic person in a neurotypical world. I don't know that anybody really believes in "normal", but at the same time autistic people struggle in ways that most neurotypical people never will. I don't know how to help my family to understand that. 

Does anyone have any experience of this? 

Peter 

Parents

  • Yeh as I got older I understood how empathy actually works. As a young autistic boy I thought that everyone was on my side because they were human like me. However the truth is you come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing. Un fair things happen. Hey I am 25 and I've been called all the discriminatory words for autism. I am hardened to it though. I get it now. We're all human and we are all hurt. And what do hurt people do? Hurt other people is the answer. So best thing I learned was just to be a bit kinder. Yes it's hard being autistic but the point is that it doesn't need to be. I know people can tell I'm autistic but I don't try and hide it anymore like I did when I was younger.

Reply

  • Yeh as I got older I understood how empathy actually works. As a young autistic boy I thought that everyone was on my side because they were human like me. However the truth is you come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing. Un fair things happen. Hey I am 25 and I've been called all the discriminatory words for autism. I am hardened to it though. I get it now. We're all human and we are all hurt. And what do hurt people do? Hurt other people is the answer. So best thing I learned was just to be a bit kinder. Yes it's hard being autistic but the point is that it doesn't need to be. I know people can tell I'm autistic but I don't try and hide it anymore like I did when I was younger.

Children
  • in reply to Bananatropics26

    When your'e younger the idea that it is in some peoples nature is to take advantage of your nature doesn't really cross your mind. Or that they might take huge pleasure from this. Until something happens. Even now my awareness is the knowledge of these realities, not so much that they might occur each time I go out. Its hard wired to see the best, I do definitely pick up on cues about people from their eyes when they look and talk to me – this was taught and self learned.I can immediately realise people are only going to waste my time or take advantage.  I'm no longer that exact same person, even to this morning, its more the having to wake up and deal with who I am tomorrow and adjusting to those differences (rather than the problems I face) if you see what I mean.