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Empathy from neurotypical people

pthwaites7

Hi all, 

I'm new here - I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD just a few days ago. 

I've told my family about my diagnosis, and they have been very empathic, but not in a way that feels truly understanding! I tried to explain about masking and the lifelong sense that I've been pretending to be "normal", and how the result of that for me has been a sense that I don't know who I am beneath the masking. They responded by saying things like, "I gave up trying to be normal years ago". 

I can understand that response - I don't like the idea of "normal" either. But I'm this case, it just feels like a platitude that allows people avoid trying to understand how hard it is to be an autistic person in a neurotypical world. I don't know that anybody really believes in "normal", but at the same time autistic people struggle in ways that most neurotypical people never will. I don't know how to help my family to understand that. 

Does anyone have any experience of this? 

Peter 

Parents

  • This is just my opinion, but I think it can be incredibly hard for some neurotypical people to even begin to imagine what life can be like for us, and just how hard some of the challenges we face can be for us.

    I can only speak for myself, but I'm willing to admit that when it comes to empathising with other NDs, I can sometimes struggle if the things that cause them difficulties are things that don't cause me the same level of distress and anxiety.

    No matter how articulate I try to be, I know that nobody (and this includes NDs) will ever truly know what it feels like to be me. Why? Because the only person who will ever know EXACTLY what it feels like to be me, is me.

    I understand that it can feel frustrating to be on the receiving end of what we perceive to be platitudes, but I think that if people are willing to take the time to listen to us, I think we should cut them some slack and feel thankful that they are at least trying, even if it might not seem like it at the time. 

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  • This is just my opinion, but I think it can be incredibly hard for some neurotypical people to even begin to imagine what life can be like for us, and just how hard some of the challenges we face can be for us.

    I can only speak for myself, but I'm willing to admit that when it comes to empathising with other NDs, I can sometimes struggle if the things that cause them difficulties are things that don't cause me the same level of distress and anxiety.

    No matter how articulate I try to be, I know that nobody (and this includes NDs) will ever truly know what it feels like to be me. Why? Because the only person who will ever know EXACTLY what it feels like to be me, is me.

    I understand that it can feel frustrating to be on the receiving end of what we perceive to be platitudes, but I think that if people are willing to take the time to listen to us, I think we should cut them some slack and feel thankful that they are at least trying, even if it might not seem like it at the time. 

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