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Empathy from neurotypical people

pthwaites7

Hi all, 

I'm new here - I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD just a few days ago. 

I've told my family about my diagnosis, and they have been very empathic, but not in a way that feels truly understanding! I tried to explain about masking and the lifelong sense that I've been pretending to be "normal", and how the result of that for me has been a sense that I don't know who I am beneath the masking. They responded by saying things like, "I gave up trying to be normal years ago". 

I can understand that response - I don't like the idea of "normal" either. But I'm this case, it just feels like a platitude that allows people avoid trying to understand how hard it is to be an autistic person in a neurotypical world. I don't know that anybody really believes in "normal", but at the same time autistic people struggle in ways that most neurotypical people never will. I don't know how to help my family to understand that. 

Does anyone have any experience of this? 

Peter 

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    pthwaites7 said:
    They responded by saying things like, "I gave up trying to be normal years ago". 

    Perhaps what they mean by this is that they have discovered and accepted who they are and don't want to just copy what everyone else does, and maybe they're saying that we're all individuals. After all, there is a common saying about autism: If you've met one person with autism, you've met one autistic person. However other people on the spectrum will indeed have struggled in n ways that most others don't, and so you will find understanding and acceptance here.

Reply

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    pthwaites7 said:
    They responded by saying things like, "I gave up trying to be normal years ago". 

    Perhaps what they mean by this is that they have discovered and accepted who they are and don't want to just copy what everyone else does, and maybe they're saying that we're all individuals. After all, there is a common saying about autism: If you've met one person with autism, you've met one autistic person. However other people on the spectrum will indeed have struggled in n ways that most others don't, and so you will find understanding and acceptance here.

Children
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