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Empathy from neurotypical people

pthwaites7

Hi all, 

I'm new here - I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD just a few days ago. 

I've told my family about my diagnosis, and they have been very empathic, but not in a way that feels truly understanding! I tried to explain about masking and the lifelong sense that I've been pretending to be "normal", and how the result of that for me has been a sense that I don't know who I am beneath the masking. They responded by saying things like, "I gave up trying to be normal years ago". 

I can understand that response - I don't like the idea of "normal" either. But I'm this case, it just feels like a platitude that allows people avoid trying to understand how hard it is to be an autistic person in a neurotypical world. I don't know that anybody really believes in "normal", but at the same time autistic people struggle in ways that most neurotypical people never will. I don't know how to help my family to understand that. 

Does anyone have any experience of this? 

Peter 

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  • pthwaites7 said:
    But I'm this case, it just feels like a platitude that allows people avoid trying to understand how hard it is to be an autistic person in a neurotypical world.

    They have no idea of how it feels so it will be hard for them to genuinely understand.

    pthwaites7 said:
    at the same time autistic people struggle in ways that most neurotypical people never will. I don't know how to help my family to understand that. 

    Have you considered that they may not care enough to want to understand?

    Really understanding takes effort and most people are so caught up in their own lives, their own issues etc that they don't have the capacity to want to get to know someone elses problems, especially when it comes to mental health.

    There is such a stigma around anthing mental health related that many people don't really want to get into it, don't want to acknowledge that they have someone like this in the family etc. It used to be a lot worse but the change is very slow and I think is still generations away from becoming commonplace.

    Personally I try to respect their desire not to know. I know and I have responsibility for my own wellbeing so don't rely on them for support if they show they are unwilling.

    If you need support, get a psychotherapist who understands autism and they can do more for you in a few hours than your family could in years I expect.

    I guess in essence is don't count on others but take ownership of your own care. You can do it 

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  • pthwaites7 said:
    But I'm this case, it just feels like a platitude that allows people avoid trying to understand how hard it is to be an autistic person in a neurotypical world.

    They have no idea of how it feels so it will be hard for them to genuinely understand.

    pthwaites7 said:
    at the same time autistic people struggle in ways that most neurotypical people never will. I don't know how to help my family to understand that. 

    Have you considered that they may not care enough to want to understand?

    Really understanding takes effort and most people are so caught up in their own lives, their own issues etc that they don't have the capacity to want to get to know someone elses problems, especially when it comes to mental health.

    There is such a stigma around anthing mental health related that many people don't really want to get into it, don't want to acknowledge that they have someone like this in the family etc. It used to be a lot worse but the change is very slow and I think is still generations away from becoming commonplace.

    Personally I try to respect their desire not to know. I know and I have responsibility for my own wellbeing so don't rely on them for support if they show they are unwilling.

    If you need support, get a psychotherapist who understands autism and they can do more for you in a few hours than your family could in years I expect.

    I guess in essence is don't count on others but take ownership of your own care. You can do it 

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