Meltdowns in public

My young adult son had a very bad meltdown in public. He verbally assaulted someone and banged on the car and caused trouble in the street. He doesn't like the person he shouted at and, unfortunately, he came across them in the local area. They have reported him to the police. He is now very angry and wants justice. He says they swore at him and threatened him. He is telling lies to me and crying and incredibly anxious now. Waiting for the fall out next week. A social worker is now involved. We've tried various therapies and medications but to no avail. Will he always have this mindset? He always thinks he's been bullied by others and has to get justice.

Parents
  • Sorry to hear this and I hope you can figure out a way to help your son. When I was a young adult I used to be scared of getting bullied again like I was at school. So I wouldn't go to certain places where I could bump into people I didn't like. If these people bullied him before then the trauma will have built up inside and exploded, the anger and numbness. I would say understand this anger need for justice is coming from a place of fear and sadness, not from a violent place. I used to carry stones and knives around to protect myself with if people bullied me. 

    I was actually harassed while walking a few months ago, and I dealt with it very well. Just kept walking, didn't engage with what they were trying to do, I stayed calm even though inside I was terrified. I then walked back to my flat and contacted the police right away. I live independently from my parents now, which has helped me a lot. As I used to get angry and upset at my mother when bad things would happen to not deal with issues myself. What he is showing you is the angry/justice, what you could try and get him to emotionally is the sadness and fear, to release it, and love him so he feels it. I play wheelchair rugby, I have a personal trainer, I talk to my grandma, I have a cognitive therapist and Spiritual mentor who is also neuro-divergent so I have built a support network separate from my parents. But its expensive to do and it takes years to built it up. 

    If he can resolve issues within his internal mind, the need to defend himself with anger and justice will diminish. 

Reply
  • Sorry to hear this and I hope you can figure out a way to help your son. When I was a young adult I used to be scared of getting bullied again like I was at school. So I wouldn't go to certain places where I could bump into people I didn't like. If these people bullied him before then the trauma will have built up inside and exploded, the anger and numbness. I would say understand this anger need for justice is coming from a place of fear and sadness, not from a violent place. I used to carry stones and knives around to protect myself with if people bullied me. 

    I was actually harassed while walking a few months ago, and I dealt with it very well. Just kept walking, didn't engage with what they were trying to do, I stayed calm even though inside I was terrified. I then walked back to my flat and contacted the police right away. I live independently from my parents now, which has helped me a lot. As I used to get angry and upset at my mother when bad things would happen to not deal with issues myself. What he is showing you is the angry/justice, what you could try and get him to emotionally is the sadness and fear, to release it, and love him so he feels it. I play wheelchair rugby, I have a personal trainer, I talk to my grandma, I have a cognitive therapist and Spiritual mentor who is also neuro-divergent so I have built a support network separate from my parents. But its expensive to do and it takes years to built it up. 

    If he can resolve issues within his internal mind, the need to defend himself with anger and justice will diminish. 

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