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Meltdowns in public

Mountain_star1.

My young adult son had a very bad meltdown in public. He verbally assaulted someone and banged on the car and caused trouble in the street. He doesn't like the person he shouted at and, unfortunately, he came across them in the local area. They have reported him to the police. He is now very angry and wants justice. He says they swore at him and threatened him. He is telling lies to me and crying and incredibly anxious now. Waiting for the fall out next week. A social worker is now involved. We've tried various therapies and medications but to no avail. Will he always have this mindset? He always thinks he's been bullied by others and has to get justice.

Parents
  • Mountain_star1. said:
    He verbally assaulted someone and banged on the car and caused trouble in the street. He doesn't like the person he shouted at and, unfortunately, he came across them in the local area. They have reported him to the police.

    I think it would help to run through the situation with him and ask if he broke any of the rules of law in what he did here. 

    The reason for this is that many autists have a very black and white sense of justice and rule following and while he may have got tunnel vision over the person he things wronged him, he needs to be able to see that his response has effectively made him a bigger villan.

    He will probably need time to process and absorb this but it will be a useful life lesson of FAFO or consequences.

    Mountain_star1. said:
    He always thinks he's been bullied by others and has to get justice.

    In your shoes I would start asking what we should do with his stuff when he goes to prison for breaking the law. Start with his most precious possessions - ask if they should be given to the other party as compensation, get burned or thrown in the trash.

    These consequences can be shocking enough to make him reconsider.

    A part of this is that the brain only starts to develop its natural consequences associations in the 20s now, and the autistic brain is a bit different to others so he may not make these associations without having to conciously rationalise them whereas others have them naturally.

    What is done is done, but you can help him learn and grow as a result.

    If he shows no sign of changing then a therapist may be the lever to move that immovable object and get him thinking, especially as they won't have the casual contempt that many kids show towards their parents in the teenage years and there is more of a chance of being taken seriously.

    Good luck.

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  • Mountain_star1. said:
    He verbally assaulted someone and banged on the car and caused trouble in the street. He doesn't like the person he shouted at and, unfortunately, he came across them in the local area. They have reported him to the police.

    I think it would help to run through the situation with him and ask if he broke any of the rules of law in what he did here. 

    The reason for this is that many autists have a very black and white sense of justice and rule following and while he may have got tunnel vision over the person he things wronged him, he needs to be able to see that his response has effectively made him a bigger villan.

    He will probably need time to process and absorb this but it will be a useful life lesson of FAFO or consequences.

    Mountain_star1. said:
    He always thinks he's been bullied by others and has to get justice.

    In your shoes I would start asking what we should do with his stuff when he goes to prison for breaking the law. Start with his most precious possessions - ask if they should be given to the other party as compensation, get burned or thrown in the trash.

    These consequences can be shocking enough to make him reconsider.

    A part of this is that the brain only starts to develop its natural consequences associations in the 20s now, and the autistic brain is a bit different to others so he may not make these associations without having to conciously rationalise them whereas others have them naturally.

    What is done is done, but you can help him learn and grow as a result.

    If he shows no sign of changing then a therapist may be the lever to move that immovable object and get him thinking, especially as they won't have the casual contempt that many kids show towards their parents in the teenage years and there is more of a chance of being taken seriously.

    Good luck.

Children