Everything changing at work post diagnosis

LoneYeti said:

The diagnosis triggered a bad mental health episode,

Reading between the lines here, has your behaviour at work changed since your episode?

I get the impression that your shift in behaviour combined with the disclosure has led to your colleagues and manager looking as being a problem, someone with a mnetal health issue that they probably don't understand and are a bit wary of.

LoneYeti said:

None of my previous managers have ever said things like this before

Since it is a new manager then it is probably a case of they do things differently to what you are used to. Have you sat down in private with them to discuss what your diagnosis means? That it is a disability and thus covered by discrimination law? Do HR know?

My advice would be to make sure your diagnosis is disclosed to both HR and your manager and that you conside what the Reasonable Adjustments are that you need to be able to do your job effectively.

Note that companies are not obliged to implement these is they do not consider them reasonable so there may be a bit of negotiating requited. I base this off my own experiences and those of others who have posted here over the years in a similar situation to yourself.

LoneYeti said:

I got signed off from work and started therapy

Does your therapist have a good record of helping other autists? You probably need this in order to make real progress as our needs are more complex than most therapists are trained to handle and most approaches (CBT for example) typically are ineffective without being significantly adapted.

I had a similar alienation from my colleagues when I disclosed my diagnosis - some took an active dislike to me, some were scared and most of the rest didn't know much about autism so just kept their distance as I was now an unknown quantity with mental health problems to them.

If you need a social element in life then I suggest finding it outside of work - the workplace seems inherently hostile for the majority of us and is a big contributer to the fact only 20-30% of autists are in full time employment.

Iain said:

Reading between the lines here, has your behaviour at work changed since your episode?

I get the impression that your shift in behaviour combined with the disclosure has led to your colleagues and manager looking as being a problem, someone with a mnetal health issue that they probably don't understand and are a bit wary of.

I guess my behaviour has consistently changed since 2024 when I first told someone at work what I was going though. Since then it felt like it was ok to be more visibly not ok at work. This wasn't constant, I thought there was periods where it would be calmer and until the most recent one there had been a longer period of calm. Although one of the my "allies" did say she had been worried about me way before I told anyone anything. But once it came out I've found it hard to put it back in the bottle :( Initially I didn't think the problem was work and was reluctant to be signed off or have a reduced workload. But work has become an issue now.

Looking back now I wish I had kept more of it to myself and just told therapists and doctors, certainly don't tell work I got diagnosed with autism. I'm still the same person I was before but feel like an alien now. It's also the stress of reframing everything in my life around being autistic, like not being able to realise I'm telling people things I shouldn't be about my mental health.

Iain said:

Since it is a new manager then it is probably a case of they do things differently to what you are used to. Have you sat down in private with them to discuss what your diagnosis means? That it is a disability and thus covered by discrimination law? Do HR know?

Kind of, the problem is I don't feel comfortable sharing this stuff with him and I feel belittled and being told things like I don't look present in meetings. HR know and I've had an outside assessment for reasonable adjustments, most of which I had already created due to the hybrid nature of the job. But these adjustments come into conflict with my new manager. My understanding of the situation is the two allies I was telling my problems too can't cope with me anymore they have sort of shut me out with the new manager who's management style really greats with me and I'm on edge all the time. 

It's my own fault but I wish someone had warned me this was going to happen if I continued on my course of action.

I've got a meeting with my manager this afternoon and possibly HR which is really stressing me out.

Iain said:

Reading between the lines here, has your behaviour at work changed since your episode?

I get the impression that your shift in behaviour combined with the disclosure has led to your colleagues and manager looking as being a problem, someone with a mnetal health issue that they probably don't understand and are a bit wary of.

I guess my behaviour has consistently changed since 2024 when I first told someone at work what I was going though. Since then it felt like it was ok to be more visibly not ok at work. This wasn't constant, I thought there was periods where it would be calmer and until the most recent one there had been a longer period of calm. Although one of the my "allies" did say she had been worried about me way before I told anyone anything. But once it came out I've found it hard to put it back in the bottle :( Initially I didn't think the problem was work and was reluctant to be signed off or have a reduced workload. But work has become an issue now.

Looking back now I wish I had kept more of it to myself and just told therapists and doctors, certainly don't tell work I got diagnosed with autism. I'm still the same person I was before but feel like an alien now. It's also the stress of reframing everything in my life around being autistic, like not being able to realise I'm telling people things I shouldn't be about my mental health.

Iain said:

Since it is a new manager then it is probably a case of they do things differently to what you are used to. Have you sat down in private with them to discuss what your diagnosis means? That it is a disability and thus covered by discrimination law? Do HR know?

Kind of, the problem is I don't feel comfortable sharing this stuff with him and I feel belittled and being told things like I don't look present in meetings. HR know and I've had an outside assessment for reasonable adjustments, most of which I had already created due to the hybrid nature of the job. But these adjustments come into conflict with my new manager. My understanding of the situation is the two allies I was telling my problems too can't cope with me anymore they have sort of shut me out with the new manager who's management style really greats with me and I'm on edge all the time. 

It's my own fault but I wish someone had warned me this was going to happen if I continued on my course of action.

I've got a meeting with my manager this afternoon and possibly HR which is really stressing me out.

LoneYeti said:

I've got a meeting with my manager this afternoon and possibly HR which is really stressing me out

Try to see this as your chance to educate your manager as to your situation, emphasise your request to keep it confidential (to avoid being treated differently) and to have some Reasonable Adjustments considered to make life easier for you.

It is worth dropping into the conversation that because autism is a disability then there is anti-discrimination laws that cover it so the manager should read up on these before taking any action.

It should make them think twice before doing anything and ensure you get treated within the guidelines, but it is worth noting that the guidelines are pretty wooly.

Give thought to what the Reasonable Adjustments are that you need. If it is for everything to be explained to you before you do it then that probably won't happen - it is too much of an overhead for the team and will hence not be seen as "reasonable". 

You will probably have success with things like being able to wear noise cancelling headphones in the office, to have softer lighting at your desk, possibly fixed breaks if your work is compatible with these and possibly more scope to work from home (a tricky one this as many companies are stopping doing it).

Mostly focus on the small, environmental things that can help. Expecting the team to all behave differently is unrealistic so you need to manage your own expectations there.

HR are mostly going to be interested in looking out for the companies interest and making sure they are not opening themselves up to a lawsuit. They are not "on your side" because of this but if the interests align then they can act that way. It helps to know their role here.

Good luck with the meeting. Remember to write down anything you want to cover so you don't forget in the heat of the moment - and ask for written minutes of the meeting too.