I wanted to know if anyone has extreme issues with this that have been helped in any way by anything
I had a psychiatric episode recently in relation to this and its been getting worse over the years
TBC I am not asking for medical advice and I am being seen and looked after by medical teams
I just want to know (without triggering detail) if anyone has gotten through the same and what helped them
Years ago, I discovered that fear of death with the oft accompanying fear of oblivion is more common than I imagined. So from that aspect, you are not alone and your fears are entirely normal.
I used to have a consuming fear of death and of the uncertain possibility of hell/heaven or oblivion. Nowadays, I believe that after death it is likely that my body & mind (& soul, if I have one) will cease to exist, but the thought of oblivion used to drive me round the bend and frighten me so much.
When people I know die, I find it difficult to comprehend that they have been here one minute and gone the next, and eventually nothing will be left of their mortal remains. I know it in my head, but it is difficult to ‘really know it’ in my heart. It is so much more difficult to comprehend when I am contemplating my own death, and I have been accused of being too serious about it and in the past told to not think about it.
Years ago, I addressed some of my fears by doing an Open University undergraduate course called “Death & Dying” and alongside it I volunteered at the Hospice as a driver. I discovered that many people of all religions and none were keen to talk about death, so the experience was very helpful.
TV programmes on nature, the animal kingdom and astronomy have helped me to consider my own place in the world as one mortal human being among many.
Meditation has been helpful and although I used to be a practicing Catholic, I did a meditation course run by a Buddhist nun for cancer patients at Macmillan. She taught me some useful breathing and mind exercises. We meditated on death and it was all very uplifting, yet none of these practices required me to convert to Buddhism or to change my existing beliefs.
I like to meditate on the size and beauty of our world, to consider the lifecycle of animals and plants that were here before I existed as an embryo in my mother’s womb, and to consider everything about that world before I was here. I consider the stars, planets and things that were around millions of years before me, and I contemplate my insignificance as a being less than the size of a speck of dust in the vastness of everything. Somehow, that gives me peace.
Thank you, I really appreciated reading this and could relate to some of it - especially being told I’m “too serious” and to “just stop thinking about it”. Even if I had had the choice to “stop thinking about it” which I didn’t (I think because of an autistic lack of synaptic pruning), I’m not sure it would have been a wise approach anyway as I think my life has somehow become richer for engaging with the topic of death.
Exactly! I knew that the only way I could deal with death would be to deal with the subject full on.
I do wonder if the topic is easier to deal with as we grow older or if that is too much of a generalisation. Perhaps older people are more likely to have had more experiences of people around them dying and perhaps we also acquire other life experiences that better equip us for the inevitable.
I nearly died about three days after an operation,, all I remember is sinking into a lovely warm brown place, I was so comfortable, however I kept getting this pain in my chest, I rose up a bit from this warm and lovely place to find a nurse rubbing her knuckles on my ribs, along with the other medical staff doing things, I just kept muttering 5 more minutes, like I was late for school or work and just needed a few minites more sleep.
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If you miss out on the terrible twos and threes, then you also miss out on all the amazingly literal things small children come out with, bring around people with no concept of abstract thinking is really refreshing.
You could be like my Dad who when he found out he was teriminally ill, created a bucket menu of all the foods he'd never had and wanted to try, lobster's truffles and stuff like that.
what bothers me more about death isn't so much the concept of not existing anymore, it's the regret of mist opportunities.
Then why not make the focus of your life about making the opportunities, finding ways to do the things you wish you could.
I'm in my late 50s and still doing this - if there is something I really want to do then I find a way to do it. You don't need to be 21 to do things - just get fit and be healthy and you can do a big chunk of the same sort of things.
Going to somewhere that is too loud? Get noise cancelling ear phones, going to climb Mt Everest? Get fit, find out how to do it, learn to climb smaller mountains and plan it.
It is only when your body starts failing that you will be really limited in what you can do. Got a family and kids - upskill, get a better job and make more money so you can afford it.
Not got a partner and want one? Get studying social interaction, find a coach to help and find out how to do it then get yourself into the dating scene.
In essense, JFDI.
All that said, if you want kids then consider looking for a partner who already has some. You miss out on the sleepless nights, the terrible twos, the troublesome threes and the terrifying fours of childhood and should save yourself a lot of premature aging.
Life it way too short not to do this stuff in my opinion.
what bothers me more about death isn't so much the concept of not existing anymore, it's the regret of mist opportunities.
Then why not make the focus of your life about making the opportunities, finding ways to do the things you wish you could.
I'm in my late 50s and still doing this - if there is something I really want to do then I find a way to do it. You don't need to be 21 to do things - just get fit and be healthy and you can do a big chunk of the same sort of things.
Going to somewhere that is too loud? Get noise cancelling ear phones, going to climb Mt Everest? Get fit, find out how to do it, learn to climb smaller mountains and plan it.
It is only when your body starts failing that you will be really limited in what you can do. Got a family and kids - upskill, get a better job and make more money so you can afford it.
Not got a partner and want one? Get studying social interaction, find a coach to help and find out how to do it then get yourself into the dating scene.
In essense, JFDI.
All that said, if you want kids then consider looking for a partner who already has some. You miss out on the sleepless nights, the terrible twos, the troublesome threes and the terrifying fours of childhood and should save yourself a lot of premature aging.
Life it way too short not to do this stuff in my opinion.
I nearly died about three days after an operation,, all I remember is sinking into a lovely warm brown place, I was so comfortable, however I kept getting this pain in my chest, I rose up a bit from this warm and lovely place to find a nurse rubbing her knuckles on my ribs, along with the other medical staff doing things, I just kept muttering 5 more minutes, like I was late for school or work and just needed a few minites more sleep.
***********************
If you miss out on the terrible twos and threes, then you also miss out on all the amazingly literal things small children come out with, bring around people with no concept of abstract thinking is really refreshing.
You could be like my Dad who when he found out he was teriminally ill, created a bucket menu of all the foods he'd never had and wanted to try, lobster's truffles and stuff like that.
