Trigger warning: Fear of death / oblivion / Existential Crisis

Years ago, I discovered that fear of death with the oft accompanying fear of oblivion is more common than I imagined. So from that aspect, you are not alone and your fears are entirely normal.

I used to have a consuming fear of death and of the uncertain possibility of hell/heaven or oblivion. Nowadays, I believe that after death it is likely that my body & mind (& soul, if I have one) will cease to exist, but the thought of oblivion used to drive me round the bend and frighten me so much. 

When people I know die, I find it difficult to comprehend that they have been here one minute and gone the next, and eventually nothing will be left of their mortal remains. I know it in my head, but it is difficult to ‘really know it’ in my heart. It is so much more difficult to comprehend when I am contemplating my own death, and I have been accused of being too serious about it and in the past told to not think about it.

Years ago, I addressed some of my fears by doing an Open University undergraduate course called “Death & Dying” and alongside it I volunteered at the Hospice as a driver. I discovered that many people of all religions and none were keen to talk about death, so the experience was very helpful. 

TV programmes on nature, the animal kingdom and astronomy have helped me to consider my own place in the world as one mortal human being among many.

Meditation has been helpful and although I used to be a practicing Catholic, I did a meditation course run by a Buddhist nun for cancer patients at Macmillan. She taught me some useful breathing and mind exercises. We meditated on death and it was all very uplifting, yet none of these practices required me to convert to Buddhism or to change my existing beliefs. 

I like to meditate on the size and beauty of our world, to consider the lifecycle of animals and plants that were here before I existed as an embryo in my mother’s womb, and to consider everything about that world before I was here. I consider the stars, planets and things that were around millions of years before me, and I contemplate my insignificance as a being less than the size of a speck of dust in the vastness of everything. Somehow, that gives me peace. 

Years ago, I discovered that fear of death with the oft accompanying fear of oblivion is more common than I imagined. So from that aspect, you are not alone and your fears are entirely normal.

I used to have a consuming fear of death and of the uncertain possibility of hell/heaven or oblivion. Nowadays, I believe that after death it is likely that my body & mind (& soul, if I have one) will cease to exist, but the thought of oblivion used to drive me round the bend and frighten me so much. 

When people I know die, I find it difficult to comprehend that they have been here one minute and gone the next, and eventually nothing will be left of their mortal remains. I know it in my head, but it is difficult to ‘really know it’ in my heart. It is so much more difficult to comprehend when I am contemplating my own death, and I have been accused of being too serious about it and in the past told to not think about it.

Years ago, I addressed some of my fears by doing an Open University undergraduate course called “Death & Dying” and alongside it I volunteered at the Hospice as a driver. I discovered that many people of all religions and none were keen to talk about death, so the experience was very helpful. 

TV programmes on nature, the animal kingdom and astronomy have helped me to consider my own place in the world as one mortal human being among many.

Meditation has been helpful and although I used to be a practicing Catholic, I did a meditation course run by a Buddhist nun for cancer patients at Macmillan. She taught me some useful breathing and mind exercises. We meditated on death and it was all very uplifting, yet none of these practices required me to convert to Buddhism or to change my existing beliefs. 

I like to meditate on the size and beauty of our world, to consider the lifecycle of animals and plants that were here before I existed as an embryo in my mother’s womb, and to consider everything about that world before I was here. I consider the stars, planets and things that were around millions of years before me, and I contemplate my insignificance as a being less than the size of a speck of dust in the vastness of everything. Somehow, that gives me peace. 

Thank you, I really appreciated reading this and could relate to some of it - especially being told I’m “too serious” and to “just stop thinking about it”. Even if I had had the choice to “stop thinking about it” which I didn’t (I think because of an autistic lack of synaptic pruning), I’m not sure it would have been a wise approach anyway as I think my life has somehow become richer for engaging with the topic of death.