Just curious as to whether other peoples tolerances to stress have improved as they’ve gotten older, or got worse. I feel mines got worse. I’m also a lot less tolerant with things. Simple things seem to stress me out more than when I was younger. What’s everyone’s else’s experience with stress tolerance?
For me my stress and anxiety levels have ‘ebbed and flowed’ throughout my life - but definitely got worse when i got to the perimenopause/menopause age. From your name I'm guessing that you are male - so thats probably not very useful information for male autistic people! But i think it’s a common experience for women when they get older. I was hugely strugglng but its really improved now - and for me what helped was studying Zen Buddhism (for a couple of years now) and that taught me how to live more in the moment and not ruminate so much on the past or worry so much about the future. Ive got a lot of ‘tools’ now to help me change my perspective regarding all aspects of life in ways that reduce stress a lot. Practicing mindfulness, not looking ahead so much or feeling sad and resentful about the past, practicing ‘letting go’, non-attachment, understanding ‘inter-being’ - these are all things that have helped me to get a lot more distance from the things that used to stress me out so much. I’m less reactive now - so if something starts to wind me up I have greater awareness of that process and therefor a bit more distance, and a bit more distance allows me to be less overwhelmed and recover more quickly if I’m feeling overwhelmed etc. I learnt these things (online) from a very well respected Zen Master called Thich Nhat Hanh. It took time for me to learn and absorb these different thinking ‘habits’ but it’s unquestionably helped me a lot. Being human inevitably involves some stress and anxiety - and over the years I tried all sorts of things to help as my life was often completely miserable because I felt so overwhelmed much of the time - but this is the only thing that’s made a significant and long lasting difference to me. They have a YouTube channel called ‘Plum Village’ if anyone is interested.
For me my stress and anxiety levels have ‘ebbed and flowed’ throughout my life - but definitely got worse when i got to the perimenopause/menopause age. From your name I'm guessing that you are male - so thats probably not very useful information for male autistic people! But i think it’s a common experience for women when they get older. I was hugely strugglng but its really improved now - and for me what helped was studying Zen Buddhism (for a couple of years now) and that taught me how to live more in the moment and not ruminate so much on the past or worry so much about the future. Ive got a lot of ‘tools’ now to help me change my perspective regarding all aspects of life in ways that reduce stress a lot. Practicing mindfulness, not looking ahead so much or feeling sad and resentful about the past, practicing ‘letting go’, non-attachment, understanding ‘inter-being’ - these are all things that have helped me to get a lot more distance from the things that used to stress me out so much. I’m less reactive now - so if something starts to wind me up I have greater awareness of that process and therefor a bit more distance, and a bit more distance allows me to be less overwhelmed and recover more quickly if I’m feeling overwhelmed etc. I learnt these things (online) from a very well respected Zen Master called Thich Nhat Hanh. It took time for me to learn and absorb these different thinking ‘habits’ but it’s unquestionably helped me a lot. Being human inevitably involves some stress and anxiety - and over the years I tried all sorts of things to help as my life was often completely miserable because I felt so overwhelmed much of the time - but this is the only thing that’s made a significant and long lasting difference to me. They have a YouTube channel called ‘Plum Village’ if anyone is interested.
I am very familiar with Thich Nhat Hanh, I used to be into the whole Buddhism thing too. I first got into Buddhism and stuff from doing mindfulness in DBT a long time ago. For a long time people knew I had mental health problems, self harm was almost like my identity (I know that sounds nuts). I was that kinda person. Then I started getting into mindfulness through DBT and I decided I wanted to be that “chilled” person, the one who doesn’t get phased by anything. I came off all my medication, and to others I was seemingly doing well…when I moved up north, it was the perfect opportunity to carve out a new identity so to speak…ultimately though, I wasn’t being mindful, I was just absorbing everything and not dealing with it, being angry was seen to a weakness, I couldn’t let anybody see me being emotionally frustrated, upset, anxious or anything. I became very good at hiding how I felt. in the end though, bit by bit the cracks started showing and I ultimately ended up worse. That led me down the path of more mental health therapy and then discovering I had autism. Allowing myself just to be me though is quite a relief. I don’t have to put on act anymore. If I look anxious or am overwhelmed, I don’t really care. Let them think what they want. I did try to access DBT again as I thought it might helpful to revisit, and do it the proper way, not the way I did it, unfortunately though because I’m under the autism service I can’t access it.
