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Recent diagnosis, partner doesn't understand.

Kenneth1712

Hi there folks. 

I was recently diagnosed as an adult and my partner of 4 years says I've got worse since my diagnosis.  She rolls her eyes every time I mention it as a reason for something like not listening or picking up what she said (which I've always had a problem with). I'm just realising that all the issues I have ARE autism related but she just thinks it is an excuse for not being empathetic etc.  I'm struggling dealing with things and feel like this is a big deal in my life but she just says nothing has changed but it has.  It doesn't help that I found out my brother has terminal cancer the same day as my diagnosis. I'm currently off work with stress as I'm a bus driver and I struggle with that too and don't think I should be doing it.  It's all just a mess really.  

Parents

  • Appearing to get worse is normal, as you are more compassionate with yourself. It will settle down.

    Being under stress will also make it worse; you are not off work for no reason.

    The diagnosis may be the reason why you have issues but it's not the solution. You still have to find a way to get along. Now may not be the best time, but it would be worth going through some information together, so it is not just an excuse. Try to focus on positive changes you both can do to reduce frustration.

    You need to reduce pressure to help you get some balance back.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks.  I'm realising why I do things and think things and yes I think I'm allowing myself to be more naturally myself maybe.  It's just hard to deal with officially being told you are different from most people even though I did suspect it.  I'm glad I got diagnosed though as it helps explain my whole life. I have a whole range of issues to deal with like others do I guess. Ive got a problem with needing to keep the carpets clean and pets don't help that plus the noise of the kids. Sometimes I need to just be on my own and my partner doesn't get that either.  I can't remember the last time I actually wanted to get up and face the day or look forward to a weekend. Everything just feels like I'm 'just getting through things' 

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  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks.  I'm realising why I do things and think things and yes I think I'm allowing myself to be more naturally myself maybe.  It's just hard to deal with officially being told you are different from most people even though I did suspect it.  I'm glad I got diagnosed though as it helps explain my whole life. I have a whole range of issues to deal with like others do I guess. Ive got a problem with needing to keep the carpets clean and pets don't help that plus the noise of the kids. Sometimes I need to just be on my own and my partner doesn't get that either.  I can't remember the last time I actually wanted to get up and face the day or look forward to a weekend. Everything just feels like I'm 'just getting through things' 

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