Feeling so hurt

This is all sounds so awful, I'm so distressed for you. 

But what your describing with the forced hug in bed thing is severely inappropriate and starting to sound like grooming for getting even more serious. And the controlling behaviour over what you can spend your money on is domestic abuse. I'm so sorry for you, you are so much more than this and deserve so much more. 

Personally I would cut contact as this doesn't sound good for you at all and prevents you healing, though I'm aware I'm 'black and white' about stuff like this because I'm autistic, but I don't think you should have to suffer further abuse. 

I am also a “black and white” thinker too so don’t worry there. Very grateful for your reply! Say I’ve been looking into therapy and I’ve tried so many but I think all has failed purely because I keep getting him saying that I’m wasting my money on these people and they are getting money out of my misery but I view it as they are professionals who have studied and tried for years. Some have also been through bad situations themselves. I think I will be cutting ties as I can’t afford to go on like this anymore. I just want to live my life to the full and do what I want. I mean he kept saying he will take me to Japan and Singapore and brags about being a pilot but if I went away with him he would make those trips hell like he diddl with Bermuda, jersey and London! I think I’d rather be happy and save up for trips myself and be myself than go on trips more often but with him. 

I am also a “black and white” thinker too so don’t worry there. Very grateful for your reply! Say I’ve been looking into therapy and I’ve tried so many but I think all has failed purely because I keep getting him saying that I’m wasting my money on these people and they are getting money out of my misery but I view it as they are professionals who have studied and tried for years. Some have also been through bad situations themselves. I think I will be cutting ties as I can’t afford to go on like this anymore. I just want to live my life to the full and do what I want. I mean he kept saying he will take me to Japan and Singapore and brags about being a pilot but if I went away with him he would make those trips hell like he diddl with Bermuda, jersey and London! I think I’d rather be happy and save up for trips myself and be myself than go on trips more often but with him. 

Ahh ok I will have a look into that! Thank you. It’s terrible that people have to go through all this though and I never understand why people have kids if that’s how they treat them. Is it because they have someone to bully when they feel rubbish?! That’s what it feels for me 

Aww thank you so much!! You are worth every penny too my friend! I wish I had never gone on holiday now! 

Cinnabar_wing said:

I would definitely prefer a caravan by myself for a weekend over a big holiday with someone so toxic!

Definitely agree with you there. Say I was really looking forward to this holiday but my dad ruined it for me all because it didn’t turn out the way he wanted over having to get taxis as opposed to busses. Say going to other places won’t be fun if he’s with me so guess I will have to save up a bit with mum but hopefully we will do those things anyway. 

Theres a book called Toxic Parents, by Susan Forward that you may find helpful, lots of case studies and she's a psychotherapist. The book's been out for a good few years now, but it helped me and others who've read it, it's what I call a proper self help book, it tell's it like it is and makes suggestions and dosen't pretend any of it will be easy. It's not aimed at ND, just at people with toxic parents.

It sounds like he doesn't want you to get help as he wants to keep control you. I would definitely prefer a caravan by myself for a weekend over a big holiday with someone so toxic! I'm rooting for you to find some counselling so you can heal, you are worth every penny!