Worried about being 'unattractive'

I've been posting a lot about this relationship I had until recently- with SG. 

When she broke my heart two weeks ago and broke up with me, it put me in a state of shock and I on top of that had repeated violent asthma attacks. The shock has worn off now, and I am in so much pain now because of her. 

Some things she said to me for months before the breakup were insults about my appearance. She told me "You are objectively less cute and attractive than a horse" to me, and then began pressing me to explain why I was upset by that. She knew how sensitive I am about my appearance. 

In another time, a month before, she said that I am 'average attractiveness'. I was hurt extremely badly by that, but every time I tried to tell her how I felt, she kept getting irritated and one time when we were kayaking she said 'I'm not going to respond to that' angrily. One day later she went back to poking me, trying to make me laugh and doing press handstands in my face. 

Yet another time, I was already struggling with my self-image and discovered that I had dimples. When I asked her about them, she said 'I don't care' with irritation. 

All of this has made me feel like I'm extremely unattractive and I've just been miserable because of this for such a long time. I felt her words were incredibly cruel, but never told her that because I was afraid if I did, she would stop talking to me (Which she later did). 

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  • Not all women are like that, or all men either and I'v ebeen on the recieving end of a lot of abuse from men.

    Some people are just toxic and she sounds like one of them, it dosen't matter how old you are it's horrible to be made to feel that way.

  • This was honestly the most insecure I ever felt in any relationship ever. 

    For months, she would express flirtatious attention one day and then disappear for weeks and hardly text, have road trips with me then ghost me for two weeks and not text whilst flirting with very muscular gym boys on her phone when on the trip with me. 

    She had this ability to cause me to by hysterically afraid and she would regularly make it even worse by saying things like the above or 'I loved this but I can't tell you, sworn to secrecy!' or muting herself whenever her family spoke to her when on the call with me and placing the phone face-down. 

  • Or they try make the man look her they want them too mu ex did this to me and I always looked back on that look as ew