Worried about being 'unattractive'

I've been posting a lot about this relationship I had until recently- with SG. 

When she broke my heart two weeks ago and broke up with me, it put me in a state of shock and I on top of that had repeated violent asthma attacks. The shock has worn off now, and I am in so much pain now because of her. 

Some things she said to me for months before the breakup were insults about my appearance. She told me "You are objectively less cute and attractive than a horse" to me, and then began pressing me to explain why I was upset by that. She knew how sensitive I am about my appearance. 

In another time, a month before, she said that I am 'average attractiveness'. I was hurt extremely badly by that, but every time I tried to tell her how I felt, she kept getting irritated and one time when we were kayaking she said 'I'm not going to respond to that' angrily. One day later she went back to poking me, trying to make me laugh and doing press handstands in my face. 

Yet another time, I was already struggling with my self-image and discovered that I had dimples. When I asked her about them, she said 'I don't care' with irritation. 

All of this has made me feel like I'm extremely unattractive and I've just been miserable because of this for such a long time. I felt her words were incredibly cruel, but never told her that because I was afraid if I did, she would stop talking to me (Which she later did). 

Parents
  • I know appearance can be a sore issue like for me right now I hate how I look with thick long messy hair and an ugly beard so tommorows plan gets  hair cut dye my hair blonde and gets shave 

    im always more confident with short died hair and I feel like every time I shave I feel like I look less old and wrinkled 

    and as sad as it sounds I feel like the better i look the more intrest my music performences seem to get 

    I also need to make it a priority to shave my arm hair too since I have tattoos in the arm and hand areas now so it only brings attention to how bad the hair looks 

Reply
  • I know appearance can be a sore issue like for me right now I hate how I look with thick long messy hair and an ugly beard so tommorows plan gets  hair cut dye my hair blonde and gets shave 

    im always more confident with short died hair and I feel like every time I shave I feel like I look less old and wrinkled 

    and as sad as it sounds I feel like the better i look the more intrest my music performences seem to get 

    I also need to make it a priority to shave my arm hair too since I have tattoos in the arm and hand areas now so it only brings attention to how bad the hair looks 

Children
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