Relationships

I meet people on the AS who say this sort of thing who are very hard on themselves, who think it's their fault they can't have a relationship etc, but 'normal' people have the same problems too :)  I wasn't diagnosed until my early 20s so when I was younger I did force myself to try and make friends, but most of the people I counted as friend weren't friends at all.  But I suppose a lot of people on the AS risk having these problems.  I once bought a Mars Bar everyday for this guy for about 3 months thinking that's what I had to do to be friends with him.  Looking back it seemed a daft thing to do.

I'm at that stage in my life now I'm happy without friends.  I have people I know through work/family, but no one I will go and see outside of work.  I sometimes can't even be around some family members because I don't know them well enough. I've had a couple of boyfriends over the years, all I've met through school or work.  It's easier bonding with someone when you've got something in common, so I work in mainly male orientated jobs (in IT) and I have interests in gaming and art, so guys I've worked with have had similar interests.

I had a long term relationship with someone I met in college.  We dated for nearly 7 years, but near the end of that 7 years that's when I was diagnosed with being on the AS.  I wasn't happy in that relationship, I stayed in it because I thought no one else would put up with me and my problems (as like other AS people I have bad anxiety issues), and his family were very critical of me, kept trying to 'fix' me, and after being diagnosed I realised there was nothing wrong with me, it's just who I am!  And if I can be happy with being me then others should be too!

I split up with him, which caused much disruption in my life.  I moved in with my brother who lived over 100 miles away and got a new job.  Which is where I met my current partner.  We didn't get together for another year because he was still going out with his long time partner, who he wasn't happy with either.  The most important thing about my relationship is he supports me and appreciates me for who I am.  he is an independent person, and so am I.  I still feel nervous occasionally.  I used to get criticised by my ex and his parents for not doing things the right way or making noises, or being clumbsy, but I get none of that with my current partner.  To him it's not the end of the world if I accidentally drop some food, if I need the volume on the TV turned down, if I need to go home early from the 1 or 2 social occasions I go to a year, and because I need time to concentrate on my own interests he is happy with this as it gives him time to himself without feeling guilty of ignoring me.

Personally I do feel lucky that I've found him.  Someone who appreciates you for who you are, flaws and all.  I wasn't even looking for a partner at the time, so these things can happen when you least expect it.  Especially for me, I can never tell if anyone fancies me, even though the whole world seems to notice.  It's a social aspect I can't get to grips with.

I meet people on the AS who say this sort of thing who are very hard on themselves, who think it's their fault they can't have a relationship etc, but 'normal' people have the same problems too :)  I wasn't diagnosed until my early 20s so when I was younger I did force myself to try and make friends, but most of the people I counted as friend weren't friends at all.  But I suppose a lot of people on the AS risk having these problems.  I once bought a Mars Bar everyday for this guy for about 3 months thinking that's what I had to do to be friends with him.  Looking back it seemed a daft thing to do.

I'm at that stage in my life now I'm happy without friends.  I have people I know through work/family, but no one I will go and see outside of work.  I sometimes can't even be around some family members because I don't know them well enough. I've had a couple of boyfriends over the years, all I've met through school or work.  It's easier bonding with someone when you've got something in common, so I work in mainly male orientated jobs (in IT) and I have interests in gaming and art, so guys I've worked with have had similar interests.

I had a long term relationship with someone I met in college.  We dated for nearly 7 years, but near the end of that 7 years that's when I was diagnosed with being on the AS.  I wasn't happy in that relationship, I stayed in it because I thought no one else would put up with me and my problems (as like other AS people I have bad anxiety issues), and his family were very critical of me, kept trying to 'fix' me, and after being diagnosed I realised there was nothing wrong with me, it's just who I am!  And if I can be happy with being me then others should be too!

I split up with him, which caused much disruption in my life.  I moved in with my brother who lived over 100 miles away and got a new job.  Which is where I met my current partner.  We didn't get together for another year because he was still going out with his long time partner, who he wasn't happy with either.  The most important thing about my relationship is he supports me and appreciates me for who I am.  he is an independent person, and so am I.  I still feel nervous occasionally.  I used to get criticised by my ex and his parents for not doing things the right way or making noises, or being clumbsy, but I get none of that with my current partner.  To him it's not the end of the world if I accidentally drop some food, if I need the volume on the TV turned down, if I need to go home early from the 1 or 2 social occasions I go to a year, and because I need time to concentrate on my own interests he is happy with this as it gives him time to himself without feeling guilty of ignoring me.

Personally I do feel lucky that I've found him.  Someone who appreciates you for who you are, flaws and all.  I wasn't even looking for a partner at the time, so these things can happen when you least expect it.  Especially for me, I can never tell if anyone fancies me, even though the whole world seems to notice.  It's a social aspect I can't get to grips with.