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Relationships

Hope

 

I was wondering if the people with Asperger's who have managed to settle down, have kids, get married, or simply develop close friendships, could please explain how they managed to achieve these things; despite having severe social problems.

At 26 years old, I am none the wiser as to how to develop friendships, let alone forge relationships. I would love to have kids (a dream of mine since I was small), yet the practicalities of the matter scare me. However I have heard many stories of apparently successful relationships, even resulting in kids, where one of the partners has Asperger's, but how is this possible? What qualities and attributes facilitate the relationship?

Please share your experiences of where you met your partner, how the relationship developed, and how I could increase my chances of meeting someone. Are dating sites the only answer? I am involved in many activities, voluntary work, attend meetings, but have no friends.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Gosh Hope, where do I start!

    Looking back over your posts I think that you have made enormous progress and that you can see that you are on a journey of discovery. Being aspie isn't all bad and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. I have found my recent diagnosis massively liberating and it is enabling me to deal with the inevitable stumbles along the road without getting as angry and confused as I used to.

    Somehow, I managed to find a partner and have kids and my family is a source of pride, satisfaction, frustration, confusion and all the other things that are part and parcel of the human condition.

    How did it happen? Largely a series of unplanned and accidental stumbling (often embarressing!) encounters in a variety of situations. I don't think that any precise details of how we found each other would be useful to you but suffice it to say that it wasn't planned and plotted in advance, it just kind of happened that we let things happen that we didn't regret.

    I think you are doing all of the right things, your activities, voluntary work and meetings are exactly the places where you might find a like minded friend who is probably as shy and awkward as you are. The problem is that you are all being shy and awkward together and nobody is spotting when anyone is making a move. I was never aware of anyone fancying me but apparently people were sending out signals and I was just blithely blind to the whole game.

    Dating sites are not the only answer, some people find that it works for them but I suspect that your groups and interests are a better bet. You have more opportunity to learn social etiquette and watch what other people do in real life than you will be able to do online.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Gosh Hope, where do I start!

    Looking back over your posts I think that you have made enormous progress and that you can see that you are on a journey of discovery. Being aspie isn't all bad and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. I have found my recent diagnosis massively liberating and it is enabling me to deal with the inevitable stumbles along the road without getting as angry and confused as I used to.

    Somehow, I managed to find a partner and have kids and my family is a source of pride, satisfaction, frustration, confusion and all the other things that are part and parcel of the human condition.

    How did it happen? Largely a series of unplanned and accidental stumbling (often embarressing!) encounters in a variety of situations. I don't think that any precise details of how we found each other would be useful to you but suffice it to say that it wasn't planned and plotted in advance, it just kind of happened that we let things happen that we didn't regret.

    I think you are doing all of the right things, your activities, voluntary work and meetings are exactly the places where you might find a like minded friend who is probably as shy and awkward as you are. The problem is that you are all being shy and awkward together and nobody is spotting when anyone is making a move. I was never aware of anyone fancying me but apparently people were sending out signals and I was just blithely blind to the whole game.

    Dating sites are not the only answer, some people find that it works for them but I suspect that your groups and interests are a better bet. You have more opportunity to learn social etiquette and watch what other people do in real life than you will be able to do online.

Children
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