Motivation

Motivation's such an aggravation
Accusations, don't know how to take them
Inspiration's getting hard to fake it
Concentration, never hard to break it
Situation never what you want it to be

I may have to listen to that song now haha 

please to know you're better - a good day by many standards (tho' perhaps not your own - I think  ) I hope this helps you feel better too (- my background is in human movement and exercise -)  but Google says it better than me : "observing an exercise can be a form of "motor priming" that primes the motor system for subsequent movement, with studies showing increased muscular strength from visualizing exercise"  hehe "you are what you eat" extends into many forms of consumption maybe!  

I really struggle with autistic inertia too.

I'm sat here feeling low, lazy, vulnerable, sad, etc, etc.
I want to go to the gym as I know that it will be a positive experience and I will get a fantastic dopamine hit.
Once I will puch myself and there's a good chance that I'll overdo it.
Autistic Inertia isn't just about struggling to start something, it can also be a struggle to stop doing something.

Maybe a couple more posts and I'll drag myself kicking and screaming to the gym!

Phased said:

hope today is a better day Damojo

Thanks, Phased.

Yeah, feeling a bit better today, if still a little fragile. I offloaded (luckily) the one bit of work that was really stressing me, went for a 7 km walk in the evening and listened to some music, told myself I'd get help tackling a few other jobs on the weekend, watched some athletics on the telly that I recorded earlier in the day, finished reading my book, slept reasonably well (by my standards). Back to just the normal struggle today.

hope today is a better day Damojo ....   one because for you and yours sake and 2 because I'd like you to be better enough so I could tease you about when are you going to be able to get around to read a book... best wishes!

That's a tough time to have gone thro' Mr T .  Well done for getting thro' it.  I too find that sings come to mind as if narrating on my life at times.  I think that sometimes it's the subconscious me trying to find a way thro' to tell the conscious me something.

Totally getting it… Procrastinating to the point of maximal pressure just to get myself to do anything. I think that it stems from multiple factors such as slight demand avoiding tendencies (even with demands I put on myself and those that are not about some unpleasant chore), inertia, exhaustion etc.

Not that it always works, but I found that setting up a system where I always give myself several options on what to do that vary in the degree of needed energy. For example, I could either vacuum (high effort), clean up my clothes (medium effort) or just start by prepping some oats for the next day (low effort). My brain then sometimes feels better about doing a task because I didn’t push it to do so. After doing one of the tasks I will usually have worked up enough energy to do at least one more. But as I said… Doesn’t always work…

I think I'll go back and re-read Small Talk by Richard and Roxanne Pink. That book helped me a lot last year. It was the only ADHD book I ever read that actually made any difference. It doesn't try to help you get things done, it just tries to make you feel less s—t about it when you don't. That's worth a lot, as it's much more likely to be relevant.

Damojo said:

I get so stuck sometimes that I try to play it down, hide it, bury the shame of it, tell people I'm getting along OK, all the while I'm more and more terrified that I'll be caught, found out.

Couldn't agree more. This is a very apt description of how I am most of the time these days. At times I'm terrified of the future and what it might mean for me.

This_is_me1 said:

Does anyone find that motivation levels can be really low or zero sometimes?

Negative.

I don't mean "no", I mean sometimes I feel like I lack the motivation to even feel I have zero motivation. I just have to turn my back on it. It's too painful to be a witness to it. My whole being slumps, gives up in the face of it.

I resonate with Mr T's characterisation of it as a devastating loop of despair. I get so stuck sometimes that I try to play it down, hide it, bury the shame of it, tell people I'm getting along OK, all the while I'm more and more terrified that I'll be caught, found out. And there are real consequences to f—ing up—again.

Today is not a good day. Today, life is just too bloody hard. I can't do anything. I'm tired of it. Sick of it.

Sorry for the rant. I'll try to get some help this weekend with a few things and see if that breaks me out of the loop.

thanks for this information.

***Trigger Warning***

Mr T said:

'I'm wicked and I'm lazy'

I hope my inclusion of this line from the David Byrne song "Lazy" was not taken as a literal description of my mindset. The song always struck a chord with me as my abusive ex-partner used the term lazy towards me on several fronts. That phrase was useful to me as tried to deal with the abuse.

"Now, Imagine what it feels like
Imagine how it sounds
Imagine life is perfect and every thing works out

Hi Mr T I noticed your typing a reply.  I look forward to this as I find our conversation stimulating and fruitful.  Regretfully I will be a little while in relying as I now have to go to work.  Incidentally have been choking and gagging for the past 5 minutes just thinking about it... That seratonin and stress it seems.  I am literally sick of my workplace experiences... will write soon,

then consider serotonin and stress levels...

I have made a search for this term with Google Mr T  It would appear to be a good descriptor of the situation.  From brain physiology perspective there are also suggested potential correlates with the "dopaminergic pathways" in autistic people that are linked to reward and motivation and goal directed behaviour and  habitual behaviours.  If it is the case that there are fundamental differences in the brain that are "causing" this or at least having a strong influence upon ones behaviour then such behaviour is as It were "natural" for the individual not "wicked and lazy" (except by neurotypical standards.  Can one learn/be supported to overcome this - perhaps so yes.  At a cost of effort for both the individual and society.  Flying fish, for example, appear to behave unnaturally compared to other fish..  

Could this be autistic inertia?

I often lack the motivation to do things and look around and become sad at the mess I slowly create around me. I know I have to do it but just cannot take the first step in the process. It is a devasting loop of despair until I finally find the stimulus to get things done....feel better ...then the cycle starts again.

I agree routines may be the answer but where do I find the motivation and energy to create a routine. 'I'm wicked and I'm lazy'

Anyone who has read some of my posts will see the David Byrne connection 

Yes - I do too This_is_me1   Interest in this for myself led to my making a small study of this which I will share if I may?

The words motivation and emotion both come from the same Latin root "motivare" meaning to move.

Personally this led me to the conclusion that to no small measure it is one's emotions that provide the "fuel" for the motivation to do or not do something.

It is recognised that autistic people often struggle with emotional regulation and in identifying what emotions they are experiencing.  I personal recognise this about myself.  Therefore it may be that there is a correlate to lack of motivation because of these difficulties.

The enthusiasm of the chase, resting in the joy of achievement, moving towards ones goal are therefore all a little trickier maybe.  The correlates with stress and anxiety are interesting to explore in this as one may become triggered in fight or flight with relatively speaking very little stimulus.

Being passionate about something can be extinguished by burnout, or similar, when one can can embody a sense of emotional pain or numbness.  Sometimes all one can do is listen to stories and play light-hearted games.

In the absence of "normal" emotional drivers for activity we may find ourselves employing routines to create the patterns of life which we follow.  Perhaps why one becomes so upset when routines are changed.

Maybe one chases intellectual pursuits because the drive for understanding becomes a substitute for emotional context.

Others have suggested also that  behaviour such as this might not be a symptom of autism but a product of living with autism in our current society.  We seek withdrawal because of negative experiences in going out to interact with neurotypical society.   Becoming unable to act because of fear (e.g. off failure by the reckoning of internalised neurotypical standards and expectations) becoming habitual.   I think this is at least partly linked with reduced motivation

"External" resources that satisfy one's sense of reward can make one happy.  Playing a game or having someone read to one both are rewarding.  Albeit they require little pursuit to achieve.  One is satisfied.  However the "mental and emotional muscles" one has to employ to actively gain the reward can effectively become atrophied.  Small goals are the equivalent of small weights for these "muscles" to lift to get stronger again.

In responding to your post perhaps I am "exercising my mental and emotional muscles" - hehe or sidetracking myself from doing something that I know I should be doing instead...

Anyway you're not alone in this 

Best Wishes.

I do, sometimes it feels like I am pulling a carriage

It's good to hear you saying this as so many times I think I'm going to be seen as lazy. Thank you for sharing this.

This sounds familiar. 

Finding motivation is tough sometimes.

I'm not as hard on myself these days, because I know now it's not me being lazy, it's part of being ND.