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I got the “you’re welcome” today

Autismman

I was in a busy shop earlier trying to get out of the way of shoppers who seem to want the item on the shelf right where I’m standing as usual so I head up to the top of the isle to try exit it and give others and myself room when a woman on my left says “you’re welcome” as I pass her. I’ll be honest I didn’t even see her as I was focusing on getting away from others as quickly as possible, she may as well have been part of a shelf for all I knew but it’s the passive aggressiveness that gets me, why resort to this tactic? Was she having a bad day? Did she not think for one second “he didn’t see me?”. I felt annoyed myself so just ignored her and carried on, next time am I meant to bow down at the feet of someone who gives me some extra room in a shopping isle?. This isn’t the first time I’ve come across this aggression aimed at me for not knowing someone had moved out the way for me, last time it was a bloke who was even angrier than the lady today. 

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  • Autismman said:
    Did she not think for one second “he didn’t see me?”.

    I've discussed this sort of thing with NTs before and they said it was because I was being rude by not noticing them - which in your case seems to apply. 

    You probably invaded her personal space to a level she felt the need to chastise you for your lack of attention. In the post-covid world some people are really protective of this space.

    Looking at it from outside the situation why were you angry about it? Was it because you caused offence (unintentionally) through lack of care, because you were caught unexpectedly or because you objected to the chastisement? Could demand avoidance be part of it?

    Autismman said:
    This isn’t the first time I’ve come across this aggression aimed at me for not knowing someone had moved out the way for me

    Oddly enough I find my autism tends to help me spot these more readily than those around me - the ability to take in so much info from my environment and look for things that are out of place makes these more obvious and I can give small acknowledgements to those being courteous which seems to make them happy.

    None of this is judgement by the way, I'm trying to look at it dispassionately to help see the mechanics involved to see if your response is worth reconsidering in future.

  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    Looking at it from outside the situation why were you angry about it? Was it because you caused offence (unintentionally) through lack of care, because you were caught unexpectedly or because you objected to the chastisement? Could demand avoidance be part of it?

    Thinking about it I think it’s because some people like to magic up drama out of thin air. She doesn’t know the type of response she may get back but obviously felt emotionally rattled enough to give one. Her behaviour was provocative in my opinion. I lack insight into why such a thing may bother someone so much, if I were in her shoes I’d just move on but because she reacted the way she did I made sure not to say a single word. 

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  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    Looking at it from outside the situation why were you angry about it? Was it because you caused offence (unintentionally) through lack of care, because you were caught unexpectedly or because you objected to the chastisement? Could demand avoidance be part of it?

    Thinking about it I think it’s because some people like to magic up drama out of thin air. She doesn’t know the type of response she may get back but obviously felt emotionally rattled enough to give one. Her behaviour was provocative in my opinion. I lack insight into why such a thing may bother someone so much, if I were in her shoes I’d just move on but because she reacted the way she did I made sure not to say a single word. 

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