Poop has well and truly hit the fan and I’m trying to put it politely as I can. I can’t stop worry about my friend Rikki. If I don’t hear from him I panic so much and I can’t control it. Today I was supposed to be seeing him this evening so this morning I call him via WhatsApp. He doesn’t answer I then start thinking what if he he dead what if he ill and so on. I call again and again and he turns his phone off causing me to panic even more. Eventually I’m in such a state where I’m shaking making myself sick and I have to go check on him. I phoned the Samaritans and I think that was a bad idea because the person was pushing me to get to his flat which I did and I tried calling out to him a few minutes after doing that he messages me and he annoyed. He now wants a break I’m blocked and I’m not seeing him later. I only became like this after his heart attack and open heart surgery which happened over 2 years ago since then he gave up smoking cigarettes and vaping. He is fit and and active but I still worry constantly about him. I lost my mum to a heart condition I don’t want to lose my best friend either. That’s why I get so carried away I’m trying to have therapy for my behaviour and I’m at the point where I’m reflecting on my actions after they happen and sometimes I can control myself. He says to me I have a heart of gold but my head is messed up. He really thinks the world of me and I know we are still friends but I’m I’m really upset because he doesn’t want to talk or see me for a few days and this is going to trigger my worries about him and his heart. I really don’t know what to do I don’t want to be like this I want to start thinking he ok I just don’t know how though.
