My Autistic Burnout Is Getting Worse

Sensory issues are overwhelming me at the moment, the lack of control over my environment is massively affecting my sense of inner calm and life enjoyment. It’s the worst feeling to feel trapped in a cycle of predictable uncomfortable situations. The only escape I have found is to go into my back garden and sit on the garden sofa for a while, it sounds great right but that’s not my first choice, I’d rather sit indoors in a quiet place. 

That can be lots of different elements to Burnout - but everything doesn't need to be tackled all at once.

If you have ever seen one of those nested sets of Russian Dolls - you can start small, try something, refine it, rest s bit, have another go, get comfortable with that new layer and move forward to the next idea - expanding your horizons and experience of life at a pace you manage but which is in a forward trajectory.

It is not about what you ought to do in the eyes of others.  Moreso, it is about picking a topic which natters to you (narrow focus and build things up a step at a time at your own pace).

I have been down the rabbit hole of someone suggesting a support service, finding out the gard way that their waiting list time is stretchy like marshmallow and then when you reach the top of the waiting list you can discover that the service they advertise is barely recognisable in the service they deliver.  No matter.  Don't get despondent - that journey of realisation just disclosed to you a valuable lesson: you can be a powerful source of your own burnout recovery steps.

You have mentioned several hot topics.  What if you had to pick just one issue?  Which one would it be?  If you could shift the dial on that particular barrier - it can prepare the way for tackling the next one. 

I could suggest any number of things - but that wouldn't be helpful - as you choosing "it" would be way more meaningful to you.

However, I could illustrate an example from my World to share with you hope that your ingenuity, reserves and perseverance can be harnessed - even when therapy hasn't landed well for you so far.

I feel it is about: "work a bitesize problem" rather than becoming overwhelmed by attempting to "work an entire situation".

Some years ago, circumstances collided such that I became mentally housebound.  There was no mobily issue.  My mind had in desperation flipped over into wholesale survival / self-protection mode.  Somewhere along the way a strange logic determined that staying indoors at home was the only viable option.  I couldn't even bring myself to step into the garden or step out of my front door.

Excruciatingly, mental health team members came to meet me in my home.  Undiagnosed Autistic me was horrified.  To mitigate the fallout I met them in the one part of the house I least frequented.  Two dining chairs shoehorned into a tiny space which I was unlikely to spend time navigating in my usual life.

We stepped through traditional CBT things.  It wasn't landing well.  They tried to get me in contact with emotions I couldn't access.  They tried to suggest "relaxing" techniques that work for other people - but which were my nemesis as an Autistic person.  They recommended things I should work on - for which I did not have the internal feedback available to operate the tools and techniques.  I am not knocking anything those team members suggested.  I could see why that might help others.  Unfortunately, it wasn't devised with Autistic me in mind.  Autistic me was going to need to crack the conundrum myself.

What exactly would it take for me to convince myself that; it was actually safe enough now for me to unlock the back door to the garden. 

How long could I stand on the patio noticing the breeze across my face. 

If I had a seat in the garden quite near to the door - could I dit there long enough to watch a Robin picking through buts if potential food on the soil surface. 

If I better controlled my body temperature choice of clothing - could I bear to be in the garden as long as it took to hang up to dry / bring in the laundry. 

What if, next time, before scuttling back indoors - I sat on the garden seat the length of time it took to drink a mug of coffee. 

And so on, and so on. 

Tiny, iterative and extending steps, when I could face it, to gradually rebuild convincing myself that the garden was not a mythical war zone.  I could be safe there.  I would be safe there,  i was safe there. 

What about sharing the garden with another person.  Was it OK to both sit in the garden for the length of time it took to drink our respective mugs of coffee.  

And onwards, and onwards.  Myself. 

Self-determined and self-propelled. 

Taken at my own pace. 

I take the wins and review - then tackle again - the disappointments. 

I celebrate the microscopic achievements and keep combining them like making a massive snowball. 

I will take the credit too - as it is my development and recovery journey which I am acknowledging.

People who meet me (now): at community events, or in a town centre shopping area, or in a healthcare waiting room, in the supermarket, in a museum, at the bus stop, at a job fair, during a course or class - or wherever - are unlikely to have any concept of what it takes to claw your way back to recognisable normality - from starting with just one tiny, very focussed thing. 

Unlock the back door. 

You are safe.

What can you convince yourself will be your personal "one thing" ...to help initiate your own snowball trajectory towards normality?

(Work a problem - not the whole situation).

Good luck for your journey - it is do-able, There is hope.  When you are ready, at your own pace, only judged as success by yourself.  You build the development and you own the the credit for the achievement. 

All on your personal Autism terms.

Jakey said:

I do eat healthy, never lost weight from it though. 

If losing weight is what you want then it helps to keep a detailed diary of what you eat and when so you can count calories and see if you are eating more than your body needs.

It is a simple equation where if you eat less calories than you burn then your body will lose weight.

There can be small ups and downs from water retention, periods etc but these all can be taken out when you keep going week after week.

The easiest way to change from weight gain or staying static to be able to loose weight it to eat less calories or burn more calories. It is basic physics at this point.

Human nature and the need for comfort in eating/drinking will often cause this to be difficult but those are the mechanics you have to contend with IF weight loss is something you want.

Apologies if you already knew all this.

I can communicate in writing, not possible when burnt out. And nobody seems to respect that because they prefer face to face. 

I do eat healthy, never lost weight from it though. 

Jakey said:

Where it becomes a bigger problem is being unable to communicate during burnout. Once it's started, I can't communicate. I ignore people a lot more.

Can you communicate in writing? Sometimes the impersonal form of communication can help get essential communications sorted when we cannot face seeing someone face-to-face.

Jakey said:

the support I'm supposed to get doesn't seem to plan anything ahead of time let alone give me a timetable of when they're visiting, which is resulting in me putting on weight and unable to exercise. 

If you are using the NHS then this does seem fairly common for them to be this disorganised unfortunately.

Can you do more yourself with what seems like comfort eating (apologies if I mis-understood this)? For example can you shop at a market to get fruit / veg and create a healthy diet on the cheap? Creating your own routine around eating times and alternative stimms to comfort eating can be options.

You may find taking more control over these things helps lower anxiety so you can cope better with the house related stresses and your support teams lack of organisation.

These are just some of my thoughts on the matter - I obviously don't know more than you have written so apologies for any assumptions I've made.