• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 253 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Not sure what to do

Rach91

Hi today I went to my local autism hub it’s a place I go to most Saturdays and I socialise with people play games or just chat with other autistic people. Today someone turned up someone I’ve not seen in years. I was not pleased to see this person as a few years ago this person made my life hell. This person used to be physically abusive towards me and stole money from me and I cut them off completely from my life. People noticed my cold response to this person and I couldn’t explain why I was so rude not with the person that abused me in the room. I know you shouldn’t hold grudges but I feel I can’t trust this person. I want to keep going to the hub as I enjoy it the staff members love me and my sense of humour but I don’t know how to manage with the let’s say newest member there. 

  • Thanks for your advice. Yesterday I had a massive panic attack in the morning over everything I just ran out of the house crying and went for a walk somewhere. I phoned another great friend of mine and he was a bit annoyed as I was seeing him at 11 then he could tell I was really upset as I broke down in tears and I told him what was going on he calmed me down and I carried on walking. I bumped into this elderly guy walking his 3 Labradors and I asked to say hello and he let me which was really nice. Anyway I met my friend at 11 had a nice day with him and he said I should speak to the staff members at the hub about this person and to inform them what their really like and to address my concerns before this person shows up. 

  • Dear Rach91,

    That sounds like a really challenging situation to be in. I am really sorry that this has happened at your local autism hub, I hope you can still enjoy time at your hub as it seems like its a place that really matters to you. 

    I agree with some of the other community members, it may be helpful to have a chat with the staff members- if it is difficult to get hold of them when this person is here, there may be an email or phone number you can get hold of a staff member ahead or after the session on. 

    I am really glad you reached out to the online community. I hope that the comments on your post have been helpful for you. If you need any further support, please reach out. 

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod

  • Ohh, what a horrible situation, this person may well have changed in the intervening years, but they broke your trust and any future trust, respect, or friendship must be earned. I wouldn't want anything to do with them either, I don't think it's about holding grudges or failing to forgive or anything, but about not trusting someone who you know to be abusive and thieving. 

    Could you get to speak to one of the workers at the hub you go too alone? Then they can be aware of you're feelings and that this might be a pattern of behaviour with this person.

    Maybe in time you might feel able to confront this person calmly and tell them that you don't like them and don't really want anything to do with them, but that you'll treat them with respect whilst you're both at the hub?

  • in reply to Rach91

    I am pleased you were able to tell your friend about it by text - it is good that someone else knows why you found it difficult today.

    Hoping that you do also get a chance to speak with the person who is in charge of the hub by you arriving a bit early at the hub next week. 

    Do you think that maybe the friend you texted about today might be able to be there a bit early too next week - as a friendly person to be with you (just in case the person in charge isn't there at the hub when you arrive a bit early?).

    The challenge, in the meantime, for this weekend and next week; is to find some ways to give yourself something else to think about / have some fun enjoying.  Can you think of some things like that?

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    After I left I text my friend who was also there today to tell him. He understood why I was so cold then and I couldn’t speak to the staff members with that person in the room. I’m hoping that if I arrive early next week I’ll get a chance to speak with the person who is in charge of the hub. She was away today but should be back next week. At least if anything does happen they will be aware of our past. The worst thing was this person was looking at me all the time trying to recognise me which I think they did manage to especially when someone said are you ok Rachel? 

  • Rach91 said:
    This person used to be physically abusive towards me and stole money from me

    Oh, what a shock to encounter that unexpected person from a few years ago at your local autism hub today.

    As you have experienced physical abuse and theft (those are both serious situations) due to that person before you cut them off completely; is there an hub staff member who you could contact and let them know why you were so uncomfortable when that person from your past turned up today? 

    I don't think the staff who love you and your sense of humour at the hub - would like to think of you feeling put-off about how you feel attending the hub from today.

    You mentioned people noticed your cold response - maybe staff members might also be concerned about that as well.  They could be wondering about the most tactful way to check with you that everything is OK with you at the moment.