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Summer depression

Elfilis

Bit more of a rant post but I just wanted to voice my feelings of summer. 

I struggle with all the high temperatures, if I open the windows I end up with bugs and insects in my place (can’t even get rid of wasps and so scared of them), I also end up hearing people screaming and shouting, loud car engines and people honking their horns just for the sake of it and it also stinks of smoke which makes me feel unwell! If I have my windows closed I’m slowly being cooked alive but even with the window open there isn’t any breeze, even if a night. I can never sleep or get comfortable either and if I do get to sleep I wake up multiple times in the night. When going out I feel I have to cover up because I’m an eyesore compared to everyone else and people seem to be so rude and arrogant. Plus everyone seems to have nice high end cars and stuff compared to what me and my parents have. In fact I don’t even know how to drive so I don’t have a car. Having work and renovations isn’t helping either and not to mention how rude they have been to me and mistreated my place. Plus I feel we have been ripped off. I also can’t do any exercise due to the heat but I keep thinking what’s the point anyway as I’m not worth it. 

I'm meant to be going on holiday next month but I’ll be honest I’m dreading the airports and flight! I’m also dreading what people will think of me when they see me. I never used to be like this but since my bullying and harassment at the workplace I can’t help but think I’m a poor thrump. He’s been very manipulative this bully and I am triggered all the time but I seem to struggle more in summer which leads to meltdowns and depression! I’m also crying when I see myself in any sort of reflection because of how awful I look. 

Does anyone relate to what I’m saying? 

Parents

  • Absolutely. At least this year I've not had problems swallowing or with bloating caused by drinking to much water, or with rashes from sweat no evaporating.

    I don't feel bad because of other peopes stuff, I couldn't give a sh1t about people who are so shallow they can't see beyond the price tag of whatever someone owns. But I do get the body conciousness bit totally, whatever you wear someone won't like it and will shout their feelings at high volume, it's horrible. I've had to wait until I'm post menopausal for most of this unwanted and unwarrented attention to stop, being old and invisable definately has it's up sides. I'm sure niether of us are actually eyesores, but people feel emboldened in the sunshine to enforce somekind of dress code and body shape ideal, if I had to have a swimming cossie it would be a burkini, probably a two piece as one piece cossies are two short in the body and cut me up the middle, crawl up my bum and pull my shoulders down. But that would get me shouted at, I'd probably end up with some anti-Islamic lynch mob after me for not falling out of a tiny bikini

    I actually don't like the amount of flesh on display I don't think it's prudishness, it just seems wrong somehow, people are meant to wear clothes. I wear long loose clothing in summer, I find it cooler than tiny tops and shorts and I'm not blinding anyone with the sun bouncing off my incredibly white legs, or offending them with scar tissue.

    I get loads of gnat bites and stings too, I once counted 14 on the lower part of one leg alone, pale skin is thinner and the biting insects know it!

    I don't like eating outside either, I don't want the sun in my face, or to be fighting off insects who also want my food, the smell of BBQ's makes me feel sick.

    People sometimes wonder how and why I acquired such an extensive vocabulalry of insults and put downs, this is why.

    Summer SAD isn't really recognised, probably because of the prevailing doctrine of sunshine making people happy, the only real reference I've ever found for it, is a small piece from an American psychiatrist who says it's a depressive disorder, well duh! No questions of curiosity about why people struggle, just more of the same, must be miserable and a killjoy.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I actually don't like the amount of flesh on display I don't think it's prudishness, it just seems wrong somehow, people are meant to wear clothes

    I'm curious as to why you believe this. Can you elaborate please?

    My perspective is that we are descended from creatures who never wore clothes, are born without them and they are largely ornamental other than when used for weather protection.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I actually don't like the amount of flesh on display I don't think it's prudishness, it just seems wrong somehow, people are meant to wear clothes

    I'm curious as to why you believe this. Can you elaborate please?

    My perspective is that we are descended from creatures who never wore clothes, are born without them and they are largely ornamental other than when used for weather protection.

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    That totally makes sense with this creep manager! My mum has said he’s just a big deluded liar and has his own mental issues but he wanted to dump his problems on me. Also probably because I never showed interest and my body language was more closed around him that didn’t help either. I would hate to live in his mind. I also want to mention that he would trip me up so he would catch me, upset me to make me cry so he had excuses to hug and kiss me. I’m q sorry you have been told the same things as me and well done for not giving into those voices. I just want my opinions and way of thinking back and validated.  

    As for high end stuff, I’m not one that’s into all the fashion and high end cars etc. I’d rather save my money to things that would make me happy and I prefer to not be noticed as I don’t want attention and to come across as a diva! I don’t even drive so I can’t have a car lol but my mum has an 18 years old old Toyota and ok it’s not as good as it used to be but say don’t need all these stupid gizmos but now that’s all cars seem to have and then make the cars more pricy! 

  • in reply to Iain

    I don't know, I guess it like those hairless cats, they do everything a normal cat does, they just don't look right. I think you'd have to go a very long way back into prehistory to find a time before people made clothes, clothes and personal adornment go back a very long way.

    Elfis, I've had a lot of the same comments over the years about how I must be jealous of other peoples stuff and looks and that I'm in some kind of weird denial, anything but the truth, that I just don't care that much. Of course we all like nice things, but my perception of nice is different to that of many others, I have an 11 year old skoda, it needs work doing to it this year for its MOT, but so what, it's my car, it does what I need it to do, I don't want something new, or with a big badge etc, I certainly don't want all the tech gizmo's.So what if you don't have loads of money? Do you want to end up as the richest person in the graveyard at the end of it all? Far better to live a good life, by your own standards not anyones elses and certainly not the likes of him.

    I think your former manager has more issues that he thinks you have, just think of what the inside of his head must be like and be glad you don't live there! It must be an absolute sink of fear, hatred and self loathing. Maybe whenever his voice creeps into your head, just as back into the void, 'and whats your problem?