What’s the most “NT” way of starting a conversation?

My bugbear is people starting responses with,  "So, ..."

Unless it’s Taylor swift and she always starts with for me it’s um?! But tbh she may or may not be nd but I don’t like to overly speculate becuase just becuase someone has traits associated with asd doesn’t mean they are and also it’s up to them if they want to explore it 

I've noticed that when people start a speech or literally anything where what are speaking in front of 5 or more people, they always start with "Well,..." No matter what the script or whatever says, is always "Well,..." 

profdanger said:

ankle over knee is too awkward

At my age, I just don't have the hip flexibility to do it comfortably.

profdanger said:

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of high-five virginity

Yeah, the experience wasn't great, and I doubt my partner got much satisfaction from it, but we all have to start somewhere. It was all over so quickly, too. Is that normal, or is there something wrong with my technique?

profdanger said:

If you were to come to the States now, we would have you do a fist bump instead

Now, fist bumps I seem to "get". I do them quite a bit, but only to acknowledge a particularly witty riposte.

What’s up?

In my opinion, ankle over knee is too awkward and knee over knee is a little… too constricting if you know what I mean. I don’t feel like there’s a good answer to the world’s biggest dilemma of “how men should cross their legs.”

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of high-five virginity. If you were to come to the States now, we would have you do a fist bump instead; we’ve changed our ways to that since COVID.

Speaking of weird phrases in the USA: I have a Mexican American friend who said when he was learning English here he overheard an attractive woman yell at someone else “Kiss my [EXPLETIVE].” Of course he thought she was being literal for the longest time and for a while kept thinking “Why did she want that guy to do that?”

I lived in the US for a while and used to get a bit confused by the unfamiliar phrases and body language. Every time someone greeted me with "What's up?" it was all I could do to keep my eyes level. That's also a difficult one to answer with anything other than "What's up?", but that made little logical sense to me, so I think I used to go with, "Oh, same ol' same ol'."

On one occasion, a colleague raised his hand and I stood there staring at it for a while. Then he prompted, "Eh, high five?" I duly "gave him five". I was in my early 20s and I had just lost my high-five virginity. It was a touching moment.

Apropos of nothing, here's a little INFODUMP: Did you know that American men usually cross their legs with ankle-over-knee, rather than with knee-over-knee, which is much more common in Europe? Apparently, the European way is considered a bit "feminine". (Whereas us Europeans are thinking, "**cough** Spreading!")

Ay up whatcha know?

what new?

what you sayin?

all very weird to me

I mean I can give you autistic ways of starting a convo 

“It’s me hi…. Im the problem it’s me”

”hey hey you you …. I don’t like your girlfriend”

”hey you out there on your own will you touch me”

baixly music or tv show quotes haha 

I have an autistic friend and he will say “hi steve” quickly followed by something like “Homer Simpson says doh” and I love this no nonsense aproacj of self expression 

bossman fam is safe init and man feels that vibe 

profdanger said:

“How do you do, fellow neurotypicals?”

"We come in peace; shoot to kill."

“How do you do, fellow neurotypicals?”

I may be a one off but I find the awkward silences a bit of a break sometimes, back to my own mind I go!

Ye it's a really confusing concept. I'll never understand the art of conversationing.

mr.chip said:

'Hey', or some variant of such a remark, seems fairly standard. Though I find it difficult to process what is meant by it

I think if the word was just “hey” followed by silence then you have to quickly fill that gap with something more meaningful or fear appearing awkward and unprepared for the interaction. I do wonder if someone requesting an interaction can feel invasive when it’s unexpected? Perhaps you’d rather be left alone and fear others wish to disturb your peace? Or burst the comfort bubble. 

Thanks, that’s quite an unusual way to view what most people never think twice about. I believe NT’s don’t question the small talk or walk about thinking “what the hell was that all for?” “What does this interaction provide?”. I think we have to say something when we meet people even if we are familiar with them, staring at them or just smiling or maybe no expression at all upon meeting would cause unease and confusion. The greeting is a sign of I am not a threat from a human stand point I suppose where if I wanted to harm you I do not need to speak first.

'Hey', or some variant of such a remark, seems fairly standard. Though I find it difficult to process what is meant by it. When exclaimed, it can suggest either malice or genuine warmth, but it can be used deceptively to indicate warmth when malice is actually the aim. This then causes me to reflect upon paranoia, but there are several factors as to why I feel this way. Through the prism of possibly being autistic (which I don't rule out) the reason why I feel this way is something else to consider.

I watched two videos presented by Paul Micallef (Autism From The Inside); which prompted me to suggest two contenders here (the first phrase as a NT small talk initiation - or not really?, followed up with the second designed to pretty much firmly shut the small talk down again!).

1) Maybe: (NT) "How Are You?"

"Is it a genuine question or just a social ritual to initiate small talk?"

Part 1: The Truth Behind ‘How Are You?’ (Is it even a question?):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUdbxyu2dWk&pp=0gcJCbIJAYcqIYzv

2) Followed by: (NT) “I'm fine”

"Why do people say “I'm fine” when they are not? There are two categories: some things might be private and not appropriate to share, while other times the social situation may not be right to share a deeper answer."

Part 2: Why do people say “I'm fine” when they are not?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UcKEWZPjmg&pp=0gcJCbIJAYcqIYzv

(See what you think about these two suggestions).

I remember seeing a YouTube video about greetings in different countries and one of them was to do with the greeting “you alright?”. Basically saying this to someone non native English speaking would be the same as asking someone if they are unwell. 

Saying alright but not expecting an answer to the question, just a response of alright back. How this then develops into a conversation I do not know.

Autismman said:

It’s about breaking out of my comfort zone in small controlled steps to hopefully achieve a more positive association with conversations with strangers or those I do not know too well.

I find it helps to work on these skills with someone you do want to know. Maybe it is just a bit of non-commital flirting or chatting to the owner of a book shop you are a regular in.

By having an investment in the subject you tend to put more effort in and it pushes you forward when we are often inclined to procrastination.