How do you communicate to others?

1. If talking only IRL, then it’s basically equally hard with relatives, friends, and strangers. But there are a few friends and relatives who I’m close enough with where it’s easier, then 4 of my immediate family I’m most relaxed with (especially my youngest sibling).

With the people I feel as strangers (regardless of their relation to me as family or friend) I have slow processing speed and usually cant enter a conversation unless I’m directly asked a question and giving time, attention, and silence to respond. The replies tend to be short and I’ll shrug a lot when my awnser/thoughts are more complex for me to be able to explain in the circumstances. I can’t control my volume so speak very quietly and sometimes I have a verbal shutdown (or a regular shutdown).

With close friends or family, I still speak quietly and have shutdowns but they’re less frequent, and also slow processing speed. But I’m more able to enter conversation without being asked a question, and I can explain my thoughts better. I essentially need it to be one on one or maybe two otherwise my skills go back to how I am with a stranger.

Then my mom and siblings I’m most able to communicate the best around. I can quote movies and make silly sounds and my siblings understand, I can also infodump for hours to my mom. But I also get frustrated easily when I try to explain somthing and I can’t word it the way I want or they don’t understand and that can cause meltdowns (which doesn’t happen with the other groups since I don’t try to explain things).

2. I mask quite a lot - and by mask I mean hide traits, I’m not as successful with to the other two parts of camouflage. A big thing I’d struggle with is the verbal shutdowns but I’ve realized that if I avoid eye contact when I’m actually speaking and if I stim more (I’m always stimming but do more subtle ones in public) then I’m les likely to have my voice fail me.

3. I’m much better at online and written communication. Although I end up going over the word limit on most sites… I like how I can take time to thoroughly explain and how there’s no time limit waiting for a reply (unless it’s a group chat then I struggle more). People also tend to interrupt before I can finish explaining my full thought, then I have to respond to their new statements plus try to remember my old ones. Like in this posts prompt for example, IRL I would have said maybe the first few sentences (assuming I didn’t just say idk) then they’d ask a follow up question which would derail everything. But here I can awnser all the parts at once, in the way I want, then anyone with questions or input can write that all at once, then I can respond again all at once…it’s much better. It also removes any need to mask physically and need to pay attention to body language and other surroundings which gets overwhelming quickly.

4. I don’t think I got actually bullied since I was 16, besides occasional comments online but they’re random ppl who I’ll probably never get the chance to interact with again. But people somtimes do more infantilizing type stuff. Like baby voice or like the other day when we played a game at college and whenever someone got out everyone would laugh (together not at), but when I would get out they’d just say “oh sorry, good effort” - it’s not mean but it’s not the same treatment everyone else was getting. Some other things might seem like infantilizing to other people but are actually helpful for me though, like when someone asks me a question while illustration some possible awnsers is easier for me. Example “was your weekend good or bad?” Vs “how was your weekend?” In situations with stranger-esque people then I usually will awnser by stealing words provided, everything else just is forgotten from my mind, which is why I can’t usually explain complex things and just shrug 

I camouflage relatively seamlessly. It causes no distress, just exhaustion if I am forced to socialise intensively for too long. I do not seek out conversation with strangers, but if they address me, I can hold up my own end of any discourse. I am poor on the 'phone, more so if I have to make a call than if I receive one.  If I make a 'phone call I have to write down a note of what I intend to say, just in case I forget it and become totally incoherent.   

I haven't had proper friends since I was like 12, but any friendship I had since then were clearly one step removed from normal. I was always a bit of an outsider. Yet, I never did small talk or anything. I don't talk to anyone if they don't talk to me, as I've realised over the years that nobody wants to talk to me. This is why I love online forums and the book clubs etc; it gives you a rare opportunity to express your opinions and ideas.

I only see my mother and son regularly. I do care about the rest of my family, but years of miscommunication have left us more like strangers.

Sadly, my situation is very similar. Nice to know you've found a safe environment with your family.

I only speak to my mother and son, avoiding the rest of my family. I lost all my friends years ago and see no point in making new ones. With strangers I stay silent unless necessary, like medical situations. I used to mask, but exhaustion stripped that away. Online communication is slow, with me double-checking everything, and I only do it if it feels useful; I have no social media and only join forums when therapists suggest it. As a child I was constantly bullied for my facial birthmark, never became resilient, and just hid. Because of this, I have little to no trust in people, and I still assume bullying will happen, so withdrawal has become my default.

I find verbal communication is very dependent on my energy levels at the time. If the energy is good, then I generally cope ok with family and friends, however, if energy levels are low I can get flustered and struggle with finding the right words. My tactic with electronic communication is to go through the factual stuff first, then check the wording and if I remember I then put in the social stuff. Quite often I ask my wife to read it through before sending. The one medium I struggle with regardless is the telephone. It causes me so much stress, particularly its for mental health support.

I do prefer a more in depth discussion on factual subjects more so than small talk. I have much more to pull from when it’s an interest of mine or something that’s very relatable. I heard on the news today that 4 species of giraffe have been identified and that blew my mind a little, only now they find this out?. But just as the interests remain the same the level of interest in each topic changes too. I go through phases of what’s most comforting at that particular time. 

Communication is very difficult for me, I don't understand small talk at all, and i'm a logical person.

I mostly communicate to family and friends through homemade music (thanks to A.I nowadays). Talking to strangers face to face is practically impossible for me.

Online and SMS Communication is easier, but I often have a problem with mixing up my words.

Badly mostly, well Ok a lot of the time, I think my problems is thst I tend to communicate with pretty much everybody the same way. It makes me popular with most of my regular check out people and less so with those who feel they should have special treatment because of their role.

Most of the random people I meet are when I'm out with my dog and she gives me things to small talk about.

I don't take any nonsense from people either, I have quite a sharp tongue and a look that manages to inimate all sorts of terrible things could happen. Like Iain, a look is usually enough, also one body language communicates a lot especially in potentially hostile situations.

Unknown said:

How hard do you find communication with others

I find family and friends easy but strangers are trickier as you never know what they are like beneath the initial interactions. They can be as maladjusted as some autists resulting in unpredictable responses that take some adapting to and a lot of effort to keep from escalating.

Unknown said:

Do you have strategies to make it easier for you, and others, or do you simply have to mask a lot?

I did make small talk and social interaction a special interest a long time ago and learned the rules and techniques to be able to mask effectively into society when I need to. I can recommend this.

I also learned to stop caring about what other people think. This took the help of a good therapist but I can now dismiss someone who seems hell bent of hurting me an walk away to do something else without blinking.

Unknown said:

How hard is it to communicate with others in the internet / instant messaging apps / email etc

Technically easy but I have to want to do it. The small talk / social interaction books gave me all the tools to read the social cues, work out how to say what I wanted etc but in the end if I cannot be bothered with it then I just leave it.

As for frequency of bullying, I find there is probably one or two cases a week, mostly on here of all places. It makes it easy to either walk away from it or, if I'm feeling bloody minded, to use logic and reason to fight back.

In real life it is rare as I'm capable of being physically intimidating and can mask a murderous stare if I want to. Only once has it descended to an altrication that ended very quickly.

I think being able to not care about what they think of me lets me get off the defensive position and stand up for myself more, not in an agressive way but make it clear I won't take their bull.