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Risk aversion

aurelis

Life is about taking risks and seizing opportunities. I find myself feel as if I’m avoiding taking risks all the time, but still impulsive enough to put myself in situations that don’t suit me. It’s a weird contradiction.

There’s my thoughts and opinions, which I feel as if have lost their sharpness, and it feels more of a situation of code switching to the environment. I hide opinions I feel will be a burden to others and try to comfort everyone’s needs, and the perception that I haven’t suited everyone’s needs in the past keep me in a state of self-hate. 

Good thing is that I’m slowly starting to face these things. It’s so difficult, and it’s hard to convey to people what I want to say, rather than the polished version of events. I guess we keep on moving.

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  • aurelis said:
    put myself in situations that don’t suit me

    Sometimes we have to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and sometimes we don't. There's probably a fine line between putting in an effort and masking. We all have to figure out where that line is. My guess is that it moves around a bit, depending on my energy/stress levels. Identifying as Autistic does help us to know that the line exists, though. Then we can put our own needs a bit more to the fore and make better decisions.

  • in reply to Damojo

    I’ve been doing both really, throwing myself in uncomfortable situations so that I can connect with people. Difficulty is maintaining that connection indefinitely and building up a list of things to prepare for the next encounter. Or most of the time switching off the uncomfortable switch to put myself in situations that will challenge me socially, only to leave those situations ruminating on whether I met the right social requirements.

    however I’ll struggle with facing uncomfortable necessities such as good planning, perfectionism and making decisions without trying to please the other person, and I do need to work on that.

  • in reply to aurelis

    I'm wondering about all of these social challenges that are supposed to make me more sociable. Is that actually something I want for me, or just something that I'm expected to want? Is this just another form of masking? I think I can live quite happily without most of it, really. I consider going out three or four times purely to socialise to be a busy year.

  • in reply to aurelis
    aurelis said:
    I find it awkward to have to state “let’s meet for two/three hours”

    My go-to excuse there is "I can meet you at 12 but need to be back by 3 for a call". If they get nosey as to the subject I'll just say its about a legal case and I have an NDA - that normally gets them to drop it.

  • in reply to Iain

    I’m happy with my own company. However I feel as if I need to force myself to be in the company of others. Recently that’s felt like a checklist rather than genuinely meeting people to feel refreshed (I.e. can I get through this social interaction with a friend successfully).

    One thing that I know helps is having a limit on how long I meet someone. I find it awkward to have to state “let’s meet for two/three hours” but knowing that the interaction is going to be for a certain amount of time helps me to prepare for it mentally. An abstract length of time feels difficult, but on the other hand , to cut interactions short feels artificial and I can feel guilty for doing that. But when I don’t, I feel myself drift and if I’m feeling like that, I struggle to be present.

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  • in reply to Iain

    I’m happy with my own company. However I feel as if I need to force myself to be in the company of others. Recently that’s felt like a checklist rather than genuinely meeting people to feel refreshed (I.e. can I get through this social interaction with a friend successfully).

    One thing that I know helps is having a limit on how long I meet someone. I find it awkward to have to state “let’s meet for two/three hours” but knowing that the interaction is going to be for a certain amount of time helps me to prepare for it mentally. An abstract length of time feels difficult, but on the other hand , to cut interactions short feels artificial and I can feel guilty for doing that. But when I don’t, I feel myself drift and if I’m feeling like that, I struggle to be present.

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