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Inner strength

Stuart333

I've been thinking about this a bit.

If you can go for years with no physical contact, limited social interactions, no real friends, no close family, just supporting yourself, working and paying taxes, dealing with issues alone, making no demands on others and adapting to fit in, is this a disability or a sign of inner strength?

I always thought of it as me against the world. The odds are lots to one. To take on the world alone for decades is not easy. I never thought of it as odd till recently, it just seemed my destiny. My attempt at being normal had led to a breakdown.

Being unable to talk about your issues, burying them, unable to ask for help, confused but unsure if anything was wrong, yet carrying on anyway, requires some force of will.

Where does this resolve come from? It seems duty, honour and responsibility, plus fear, shame, guilt and confusion.

To crack occasionally does not seem surprising. The only strange thing is how I went so long.

Rather than feel frustrated at not achieving what I wanted, and not seeking help sooner, I should celebrate the strength required to have got here.

I think this is what others can take. It has not been easy to get to where you now are. Everyone's challenges are different, but they are not easy. It has taken strength and fortitude. To stumble is not weakness. It has made you who you are. You are stronger than you think.

I still wish it could have been easier though.

Parents

  • This reminds me of a conversation about resilience I had. People with autism are often told they need to build resilience. I think people with mental health difficulties etc can have the same experiences. Yet what we deal with day in day out actually suggests we have a heck of a lot of resilience.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    I agree about mental health difficulties and resilience. I have run out of options of effective treatment for enduring depression, yet somehow I am still here, even though I was one of the unlucky ones to have had my autism treated by an anti psychotic drug. 

    In the 1980s, a hospital psychiatrist prescribed an anti psychotic drug which I remained on for over ten years. He told me it was “to change how I think, or change my thinking”. Later, a psychiatrist with more modern ideas told me I should not be on that drug and prescribed an antidepressant. The antipsychotic drug has now been withdrawn from circulation as it was found to be harmful.

    I am still furious about how my autism was treated with an antipsychotic, a ‘treatment’ that harmed my self worth and more. Of course things were different back then and I have since tried lots of different antidepressants, but none have been effective so I don’t take them any more. Getting an autism diagnosis after all that felt like an award, with worldwide recognition for a great achievement, and my mental health has never been better. 

  • in reply to ArchaeC
    ArchaeC said:
    Getting an autism diagnosis after all that felt like an award, with worldwide recognition for a great achievement, and my mental health has never been better. 

    A great achievement indeed - particularly given acknowledgement of your earlier grim medication treatment experiences.

    People outside of our community may not fully appreciate quite how grim / broad ranging / long lasting some of the fallout from certain medications can be. 

    All credit due to: every member of the medication survivors.

    We started talking about inner strength and resilience - you have reminded us that perseverance is so very important.

    Family, Society, Workplaces, and sometimes even Healthcare Professionals can demand / entreat of us to pursue "performance" as the approved measure of achievement.

    I disagree with those four bodies. 

    Personally, my; mental health, self-worth, self-advocacy and best Autism support messages all revolve around learning about and applying priority to each of: resilience, perseverance and progress.  Each of those three priorities being set, monitored and appraised by me - and not anyone else.

    Albeit, we all continue to be a work in progress - that is allowed - one of my current hot topics is "boundaries" (to serve me better in all settings).  

    As another older adult, who also only recently achieved their Autism diagnosis, I appreciate your described circumstances. 

    Thank you so much for sharing your lived experience with us here.

    I am heartened to hear your mental health has weathered that earlier maelstrom and emerged in so much better condition.  I don't think I underestimate the effort you must have applied - it is only a shame that there isn't a formally recognised award for that achievement too.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think uncompetitiveness needs to be recognised in education, the workplace and in wider society.

    Recognition can be advantageous for workplace employers as uncompetitive people may have niche interests that lead to excellence in specific tasks. I imagine you might have made a good researcher in your area of interest? 

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think uncompetitiveness needs to be recognised in education, the workplace and in wider society.

    Recognition can be advantageous for workplace employers as uncompetitive people may have niche interests that lead to excellence in specific tasks. I imagine you might have made a good researcher in your area of interest? 

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