I've been thinking about this a bit.
If you can go for years with no physical contact, limited social interactions, no real friends, no close family, just supporting yourself, working and paying taxes, dealing with issues alone, making no demands on others and adapting to fit in, is this a disability or a sign of inner strength?
I always thought of it as me against the world. The odds are lots to one. To take on the world alone for decades is not easy. I never thought of it as odd till recently, it just seemed my destiny. My attempt at being normal had led to a breakdown.
Being unable to talk about your issues, burying them, unable to ask for help, confused but unsure if anything was wrong, yet carrying on anyway, requires some force of will.
Where does this resolve come from? It seems duty, honour and responsibility, plus fear, shame, guilt and confusion.
To crack occasionally does not seem surprising. The only strange thing is how I went so long.
Rather than feel frustrated at not achieving what I wanted, and not seeking help sooner, I should celebrate the strength required to have got here.
I think this is what others can take. It has not been easy to get to where you now are. Everyone's challenges are different, but they are not easy. It has taken strength and fortitude. To stumble is not weakness. It has made you who you are. You are stronger than you think.
I still wish it could have been easier though.
