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The divorce experience

Eyes

Hi All,

I had a good response to my last post so thought I'd try another about something I'd love to hear from others about.

I have recently finalised a divorce after a 15 year relationship, I had been with this person most of my adult life and am approaching my 40's now. 

There's lots I would like to know about others experience but most importantly for me is to see how others with Autism have experienced divorce and if you felt you could move on, what eventually helped give your life meaning again?

For me, I split with my partner 8 months ago. We were very kind to one another through the process and acted with decency so the process was not as bad as it could be. However, now its been 2 months since the divorce finalised, I'm living alone and while I'm coping I'm just so very sad and lonely. I loved my partner very deeply and trusted them completely. As an Autistic person this didn't happen easily and I just feel like my life peaked and now I just exist. 

I suppose I'm looking for motivation, some reason for optimism and to see if anyone has tips on trying again when the life you knew has come to an end.

Thanks for any responses, this is a tricky one so no worries if people would rather not comment!

Parents

  • Hello   sorry to hear you are going through a bit of a rough patch. I can’t relate to the divorce however I can relate to a change in reality, a dramatic one that leaves you feeling a little lost as to “what’s next”. Life can feel a bit like travelling without a map after a break up, you can also lose a bit of yourself for a while until you remember who you really are without that person. That one person didn’t give you purpose as such but they were a core feature of your day to day being, life was predictable, you knew what to expect I would imagine. It’s very hard for some autistic people to let others in, they really do have to have some magical qualities or at least we have to believe they do. They can be our best friend as well as romantic partner. Glad you posted though, there’s a lot of nice people here.

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    That one person didn’t give you purpose as such but they were a core feature of your day to day being, life was predictable, you knew what to expect I would imagine

    Hits the mark there I guess, though it's tough to say as you want to think it's all about love but a lot of it was I felt more comfortable in my life with my partner than I ever had. That involves routine and predictability - I suppose that's probably what I miss. Not all of it but a great deal

  • in reply to Eyes

    Routine is comfort, we can often take that comfort for granted. It’s easy to stay in that bubble while it lasts and not see anything going on outside of it. Same house, same people, same bed, same furniture layout, it all adds up to a feeling of being protected and knowing what to expect. It’s hard enough to break up when you don’t have autism but adding these persistent traits certainly can make the journey to a better place much more troublesome. It will take time to adjust, there’s no time limit, don’t expect too much of yourself, it’s important that you are kind to yourself also.

  • in reply to Eyes

    Travelling would be great, imagine the adventure you could have, the world is your oyster. Paint as in art or painting walls? 

  • in reply to Autismman

    Thanks, maybe travelling wherever I'd like to go would be cool. My existing hobby of painting is enough seeing as it takes me 7 hours to paint something most times!5

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