Random verbal abuse in the street

Looking different is going to attract attention. Multicoloured hair is probably more of a factor as tattoos are quite common. I expect that's all there is to it.

If that isn't the whole story, then body language is often a factor. Looking timid or scared, like prey, promotes this type of behaviour. The cues can be quite subtle. If lacking in confidence, it is easy to appear this way.

I think there are a certain group of men who feel it's their right to comment on any woman, regardlsss of how they look or the time of day. 

I was thinking about starting a thread about being shouted at in the street by random male strangers, I wondered if it was an age thing, a town thing, are there some places where you're more likely to be shouted at?

I think multi-coloured hair is quite common, as well as tattoos and clothing choices often denoting an affinity for a cultural sub group.

I'm a tall woman, that's often made me target, there seems to be a certain section of older men who take delight in calling me Sir, I give them a pitying look, as it's obvious that I'm female and they're the ones with the problem.

I've been told to 'cheer up love as it may never happen', it seems that some men believe that a womans role is to be decorative and pleasing to the male eye.

I think the worst one was angrily muttered at my daughter and i, we were walking into town one saturday morning, arm and arm, enjoying ourselves, she was about 15 at the time and me in my mid thirties and out of nowhere this bloke walking in the opposite direction along the road, say's 'why don't you put her down, you old ***' we rounded on him and gave him a piece of our minds and he staggered off appologising. Where does this sort of thing come from? What makes men feel this is OK?

I've had various sexual comments shouted at me over the years, comments on my breast size, skirt length, foot size, clothing choice.

I've even had some bloke come up behind me and try walking along behind me holing my bum cheek, I punched him in the nose and made it bleed, much to the ammusement of his friends.

When I was growing up being shouted at in the street etc were fairly normal, you just dealt with it, developed a good line in come backs, defended yourself physically when needed or you hid away and didn't go out without an escourt of a least a group of friends or a man.

TheCatWoman said:

I think there are a certain group of men who feel it's their right to comment on any woman, regardlsss of how they look or the time of day. 

This is true, and after some drinking they are much less likely to be inhibited in their commenting. I think this stems from their subconcious drive to be seen a top dog, the one able to project their intent on whoever they want for all competitors to see and tremble before their power.

It is visible in most workplaces too with pecking orders forming over time and people using subtler ways of exerting their authority.

It isn't just a male thing though. I've had plenty of experiences over the years of going into mostly women office environments when sorting IT issues and had someone (high in the pecking order) make loud comments about me for all to hear ("fresh meat for the grinder" being the worst but often things like "what have we here girls, a new plaything?").

These seem to have the intent of making me feel intimidated and recognise their authority and when their comments were met with a blush or stammering then they seemed to puff up with the success.

It would be great if it didn't happen but is seems very much part of some groups human nature.

Could be due to competition for resources.

If you roam you are not dependent on any particular area. But once settled you need to defend your area as you can't move.

Additionally, you now have more stuff, due to not having to carry it around. You have a surplus of food due to efficiency and splitting up roles. And it is all in a known place.

Size also allows you to have a warrior caste who can specialise in fighting.

Once you have groups larger than 1 or 2 families, you have hierarchies and status. I am sure the desire for status is not a new thing. 

I suppose you might also be after slaves or additional women for babies.

When in small family groups, fighting would be limited as the costs of getting injured are higher. Your family may fail. Also you don't have much time for fighting when subsistence living.

TheCatWoman said:

Is this the begining of patriarchy too?

I think this would predate the settlements situation. "In the beginning" so to speak it was the survival of the fittest where the strongest would be able to dominate and I suspect in early settlements there would be a lot of this mindset still in existance.

It probably took thousands of years of conditioning to remove this instincual drive on the whole, but I doubt the instinctual drive has actually left.

These days the "stong" are largely those in positions of power. This is still primarily male but it seems many women who have achieved positions of power are quite willing to play the same game which indicates that it is not solely a patriarchy issue. 

I havw been watching "Humans" on BBC2, its about the development of our species, last night it was about when we first started living in large groups and creating towns and cities farmed and grew crops rather than lived as nomadic hunter gatherers. It seems that this was when violence first became a problem, lots of skeletons have been found with sharp or blunt force trauma injuries especially to the head, it also seems to be when we started to have socal stratification.

So I'm not sure where physchology fits with this, because it would seem to be a stress response to living on top of each other. Is this the begining of patriarchy too? In this situation, did men look for the easiest targets, women?

No Iain, I don't objectify people in the way you describe, I do make a brief assessment of whether they're likely to a danger to me and either avoid them or remember what Granny Weatherwax said 'there are lots of dangerous things out there and I'm one of them'.

When I was talking about objectifying people I was speaking in more of a sexual context, like male dance troops/strippers.

One fo the things I've learnt since being on here where people often don't identify their gender, is how great it is only relating to someone as a person. It reminds me of being on silent retreat where you just accepted knowing little about someone from the outside, not being able to hear how they speak, their accent etc meant we got to know the inner person first, quite the reverse of normal social interactions.

I guess you could say I Woke up from making such judgements, I realised how meaningless they actually are. I now approach people much more honestly and openly, giving up our learned preconceptions of how people are from thier clothes, hair colour, their car, they way they speak or their job, is truely enlightening.

I'm sorry this isn't the answer you were hoping for, I leant far more from my spiritual teachers than I did from my counselling ones and thats not to denigrate anyone. Different but equally beneficial to me.

TheCatWoman said:

I'n my experience alcohol isn't needed for me to start shouting at me in the street or making comments, it's just something they feel entitled to do.

Have you ever dug into this subject to see why people behave differently in groups than induvidually? It is quite fascinating and there are some ways to use headology against those people causing problems if you choose to respond.

A good starter article on the subject is:

https://www.waldenu.edu/online-masters-programs/ms-in-psychology/resource/why-do-people-act-differently-in-groups-than-they-do-alone

TheCatWoman said:

I don't want to be objectified and I don't objectify others

This is a subject I'm surious about. When you see someone you have not met before and there is no reasonable chance you will interact with them, are they not simply an object of unknown qualities?

This doesn't mean you have to reduce them to the most basic of appearances but in the absence of other information then appearances is all you can work with when forming an opinion of them - you'll never get more info.

Humans are very juedgemental by nature so it seems obvious that they will typically judge such a person on the most obvious characteristics and form an opinion based on these - pink hair probably means LGBT+ etc.

Add in the pressure of group dynamics and the alcohol induced need to be the funniest in the group and you get people making comments that they probably never would in normal life. I have had this in London when coming home from working late in the office where groups of girls shout "oi baldie" to me. Oddly enough blokes didn't do this so it may be a corruption of the gender roles where catcalling attractive and insulting less attractive opposite sex is seen as fun.

I haven't studied this so hopefully your counselling experience can help me understand it.

That sort of group behaviour is something I don't indulge in, I don't want to be objectified and I don't objectify others, I used to hate all the Chippendales stuff so many women loved, it actually revolted me. 

I'n my experience alcohol isn't needed for me to start shouting at me in the street or making comments, it's just something they feel entitled to do.

That sort of group behaviour is something I don't indulge in, I don't want to be objectified and I don't objectify others, I used to hate all the Chippendales stuff so many women loved, it actually revolted me. 

I'n my experience alcohol isn't needed for me to start shouting at me in the street or making comments, it's just something they feel entitled to do.

TheCatWoman said:

I'n my experience alcohol isn't needed for me to start shouting at me in the street or making comments, it's just something they feel entitled to do.

Have you ever dug into this subject to see why people behave differently in groups than induvidually? It is quite fascinating and there are some ways to use headology against those people causing problems if you choose to respond.

A good starter article on the subject is:

https://www.waldenu.edu/online-masters-programs/ms-in-psychology/resource/why-do-people-act-differently-in-groups-than-they-do-alone

TheCatWoman said:

I don't want to be objectified and I don't objectify others

This is a subject I'm surious about. When you see someone you have not met before and there is no reasonable chance you will interact with them, are they not simply an object of unknown qualities?

This doesn't mean you have to reduce them to the most basic of appearances but in the absence of other information then appearances is all you can work with when forming an opinion of them - you'll never get more info.

Humans are very juedgemental by nature so it seems obvious that they will typically judge such a person on the most obvious characteristics and form an opinion based on these - pink hair probably means LGBT+ etc.

Add in the pressure of group dynamics and the alcohol induced need to be the funniest in the group and you get people making comments that they probably never would in normal life. I have had this in London when coming home from working late in the office where groups of girls shout "oi baldie" to me. Oddly enough blokes didn't do this so it may be a corruption of the gender roles where catcalling attractive and insulting less attractive opposite sex is seen as fun.

I haven't studied this so hopefully your counselling experience can help me understand it.