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Workplace Issues - Communication / Perception

LWS

Hello Everyone

This is my first post on here as I was looking for advice online but wanted to get your opinions on the following:

I have had my mid-year review at work were I hold a senior property position and I have dropped from 'Strong' last year to 'Developing' now.

The reasons I have been given (despite) my actual measurable performance being strong is that I need to focus on a couple of big ticket items which is fair enough. But the majority of the review centered around my communication, perception and interactions with others.

The themes were around being too direct, presentation style not always suitable for specific individuals and perception, alongside consideration for the bigger picture and other peoples ideas/views. One example being a transactional deal being 'bad' and me being too direct about it being a bad deal with those involved internally and that we should not proceed and it was fundamentally a BAD deal (which i was told about, I took the feedback onboard and never commented about that transaction again). 

I explained I am continuously working on this and it is challenging as an autistic individual who 'fixes' a few things but only to find out there is always more things to fix the next year round.

I feel that this is being held against me unfairly and does not take into account my autism. My review was very heavily centered around that with a couple of positive items only compared to the previous year.

I am actually considering going into my old shell and minimizing contact with people unless necessary purely to limit my exposure to others and their perception. Albeit, i will then be known as the outsider!

I really feel that I cannot win. My actual measurable performance way outperforms my team but what is strange is how I have dropped in rating due to those factors which are inherently part of being autistic. 

I also told HR a couple of months ago that the annual review process was not being followed correctly and was told off about this being 'rude' to not speak to my manager first. So I suspect that could also be at play? 

What are your thoughts and how would you address this situation? I actually like where I work otherwise I would have gone with the wind but have come to realize there is never greener grass anywhere :) 

Parents
  • LWS said:
    the majority of the review centered around my communication, perception and interactions with others.

    Is this a big part of your job?

    If you are in a senior position then I expect this is the case so these interactions are essential to perform well for your reviews.

    LWS said:
    I feel that this is being held against me unfairly and does not take into account my autism.

    Have you declared your autism to the HR team and your management? Are there any "reasonable accommodation" requested around your interaction with others that they are not following?

    LWS said:
    I really feel that I cannot win

    That was my experience in middle management as an autist. So much of it is about working with other people, influencing those around you, picking up on subtle signs to prevent issues for forming and having a very flexible approach to dealing with difficult situations.

    These are frankly incredibly hard to do when you have autistic social and communications issues.

    I ended up retiring in my 50s as it was becoming a recurring issue for me.

    In terms of how to approach it, I can only say what I would do in your situation

    1 - choose a communication style and stick with it. Use my autism diagnosis to say that this is how I am and I have no intention of changing (to force me would be discrimination) so the company better get used to it.

    2 - retreat to a role where there communication / interaction is much less required. This sort of "failure" is likely to encourage management to push me out using the subtle tactics they have but at least I would have time to prep for my next move while having a lower stress role.

    3 - study up on social interactions, management techniques etc and make it a special interest and give a lot of energy to doing this, making sure the reviews reflect the effort (even if it doesn't give all the results hoped for) and realise the cost mentally will be significant.

    My experience is that this only gets worse with age. 

    If you don't have one yet, I do strongly recommend working with a psychotherapist to develop coping skills for your autistic traits and ways to make life better for you. It is well worth the investment. 

    Once the management start to get you in their crosshairs then my experience (and watching others go through the same thing) is that the end is in sight. Expect them to work to exclude / diminish and generally try to push you ro fail while staying within the rules. If you feel this happening than start to prepare to get another job before it is thrust upon you.

    That covered a lot of ground. Hopefully you can find a path that works before things get dark.

Reply
  • LWS said:
    the majority of the review centered around my communication, perception and interactions with others.

    Is this a big part of your job?

    If you are in a senior position then I expect this is the case so these interactions are essential to perform well for your reviews.

    LWS said:
    I feel that this is being held against me unfairly and does not take into account my autism.

    Have you declared your autism to the HR team and your management? Are there any "reasonable accommodation" requested around your interaction with others that they are not following?

    LWS said:
    I really feel that I cannot win

    That was my experience in middle management as an autist. So much of it is about working with other people, influencing those around you, picking up on subtle signs to prevent issues for forming and having a very flexible approach to dealing with difficult situations.

    These are frankly incredibly hard to do when you have autistic social and communications issues.

    I ended up retiring in my 50s as it was becoming a recurring issue for me.

    In terms of how to approach it, I can only say what I would do in your situation

    1 - choose a communication style and stick with it. Use my autism diagnosis to say that this is how I am and I have no intention of changing (to force me would be discrimination) so the company better get used to it.

    2 - retreat to a role where there communication / interaction is much less required. This sort of "failure" is likely to encourage management to push me out using the subtle tactics they have but at least I would have time to prep for my next move while having a lower stress role.

    3 - study up on social interactions, management techniques etc and make it a special interest and give a lot of energy to doing this, making sure the reviews reflect the effort (even if it doesn't give all the results hoped for) and realise the cost mentally will be significant.

    My experience is that this only gets worse with age. 

    If you don't have one yet, I do strongly recommend working with a psychotherapist to develop coping skills for your autistic traits and ways to make life better for you. It is well worth the investment. 

    Once the management start to get you in their crosshairs then my experience (and watching others go through the same thing) is that the end is in sight. Expect them to work to exclude / diminish and generally try to push you ro fail while staying within the rules. If you feel this happening than start to prepare to get another job before it is thrust upon you.

    That covered a lot of ground. Hopefully you can find a path that works before things get dark.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you for taking the time to write this it is very appreciated.

    The first point does make sense as I do have to cement the position and take a stand, at-least so its documented that this is me and my communication. With any discrimination following this then being clearer.

    I think this is really a wake up call that I need to look for a less people focused role which is difficult in commercial property and I need to get over the salary factor.

    I just really do not know what that 'new' career would revolve around. I really love animals but that would mean a massive reduction in salary and most 'professional' jobs still have a lot of interaction with people.

    So I really need to go on a journey to establish what roles could work for me.

    I do like your third point but understand this can be mentally overwhelming (I have done Authentic Leadership as a module at uni, and I have also found that 'knowing' the management theory makes it worst for me as an autistic person because I see through 'leaders' and their false leadership' based on theory lol or notice their use of the tools). 

  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    Expect them to work to exclude / diminish and generally try to push you ro fail while staying within the rules.

    Be careful not to over interpret things though and start getting paranoid. You don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Criticism is hard to take, especially when trying hard, but even more so when stressed. Even though it is hard, try to be calm and take it constructively. Assume they mean well and see if there is something you could do.

     Allow yourself time to think about it when not stressed. Ask some other people you trust.