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Advice

CCC

Hello everyone,

I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD and autism at 24 years old and I’m struggling a lot to do the things I was able to before. I have not been able to leave my house in a month and have panic attacks at the though of it. I am worried because I restart my second year of university in a month after dropping out last year. I struggled to be social at uni and make friends and I became very lonely and isolated and it’s only gotten worse since leaving. The things I loved to do no longer interest me and I am  struggling to get a job because it’s so terrifying to me and I can no longer afford my rent. I just feel so lost and alone and any advice would be helpful. I’m currently on the waiting list for professional help but they say I can get it in 6 weeks.

  • Hi and welcome to the community. I would suggest that Martin's idea of contacting your GP for treatment of depression/anxiety may help, and also Stuart's idea of taking small steps with getting outside again.

    I think maybe that you are catastrophising a bit, which I believe is common in autistic people. Start by addressing your worries and working out that they are not insurmountable:

    First, university. What if you really can't return? You might be able to study remotely with the university you started with, or you might be able to transfer to doing an open university distance degree. And even if you didn't complete a degree, it's not the end of the world - lots of people don't have one. I would start by contacting your current uni and explaining how you are feeling - this is probably easier by email. See what they suggest and go from there.

    Secondly, you struggle with being sociable and became isolated. This is common in autistic people, and hopefully this community will help you feel a bit less isolated. But maybe you could try joining a local group - an autism one of there is one in your area, or a group that does activities that might interest you. Doing things together sometimes takes the pressure off as instead of having to do "small talk" you can discuss what you're doing.

    If the things you loved to do no longer interest you, that could be a sign of depression, another reason to speak to your GP. You may need medication to help you cope while you wait for counselling, but the doctor will be able to advise on that.

    You are also struggling to get a job because you cannot cope with simple things at the moment like being able to leave the house. But if you get help from your GP and understand that your other worries will work themselves out, you should be able to become calmer and then eventually feel strong enough to begin job hunting again. In the meantime, see if you can get any benefits to help your financial situation. If you Google it, you should find some benefits calculators which will show you if you are entitled to anything, and if so how much.

    I wish you luck.

  • in reply to Martin

    I second Martin here. We can’t diagnose you here, but if it is depression that could make everything so much harder. I’d recommend seeing if you can see your GP before school starts. That’s great that you have professional help lined up, try to hold up and not give up until then!

  • If you could do things before you could do them now. It does not mean it is easy. Nothing is going to make it easy, except repetition.

    Could you be putting all the issues in one pile and thinking it looks overwhelming? Don't try to solve everything in one go.

    But do make an effort to do at least one thing every day, or one thing in the morning and one the the afternoon. Celebrate success and move on.

    Pick some smaller targets. Leave the house, maybe just to go to the end of the road and back. You're going to have to do this whatever happens. Build it up, visiting different shops etc. so it is more manageable. Get someone to go with you.

    You need to either think hard about what is stopping you and question it and break the things down, or if this makes things worse, just go with impulses and do things without thinking too much.

    If the anxiety is really unmanageable then maybe your GP can help. But I think it is mostly driven by irrational fear, which you can overcome. Don't think of the worst that will happen, think of the best. If something does not go perfectly is does not matter. Take the positive from things. Learn to embrace good enough.

  • It sounds like your biggest problem at present is depression. This can be alleviated by medication, go see your GP, or at least contact the surgery. There is also the possibility of falling into the trap of using your diagnoses as an excuse for giving up. Autism and ADHD make things difficult, but if you think that they make things impossible, you will not even try. If you have goals in life then giving up is not an option. Sometimes there is no alternative to enduring difficulties, as avoiding them is an abandonment of having a fulfilling life.

    A little tough perhaps, but forcing myself into enduring uncomfortable situations worked for me in getting what I wanted from life.