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How do you let go of regrets and the pervasive feeling that you’ll fail life

aurelis

Hey,

I had an opportunity through a programme to go to Japan last year via a scholarship programme. I applied to it, rushing the application and quickly submitting it. I forgot about it until I was invited to an interview two months later. I went to the interview with a friend, and despite not preparing ( last minute person here), I got through.

i felt pressure on whether or not to go, and I had other projects I was doing that in hindsight, could’ve been adjusted to fit this trip or dropped off. I’ve always wanted to go Japan, and yet I rushed into the application without any research and some family said not to go, because how I was managing myself, some told me to go.

i didn’t go forward, despite passing that first interview. I briefly kept in touch with them for the rest of the year, but now this year, I feel that I’ve done nothing much to show them my growth. I don’t even know if I’ll apply again out of shame

i haven’t been able to move on at all, and the regret weighs heavy on me everyday. I’m scared that by looking back on this and other opportunities, that because I lacked discipline and focus and was trying to do everything, I missed out on things I really wanted to do. 

I feel as if I’m trying to catch up, and with the shame held on of not being like the NTs or even other NDs in terms of just being connected to the world around me a bit more, I feel like a failure. I’m doing some teaching at the moment, and I constantly feel like a failure in front of these kids. Even though I get on with them, I started the job jumbled up and doing far too much work than I needed to, and struggled to ask for help.

im scared I’ll live a life unfulfilled with unfulfilled dreams, and despite little parent trauma, feel like there’s an angry parent constantly beating on me telling me I’m a failure and I’ll amount to nothing.

i don’t know if this is an autistic thing or a me thing. Probably both. I live my life unsatisfied, holding onto big massive dreams without any real reason behind them or any small steps planned. I can’t let go of failures, and this one I’ve held for 18 months, and others for years longer. 

Parents

  • If you think of your life as a line, it goes along and then branches. Each branch is a decision. Whether they are big or small, each changes the path you follow. 

    If each decision has 2 options, to keep it simple, if you make 5 decisions a day you have 32 paths. You can see there are millions of paths in your life. You cannot know, or predict them.

    Some may join up again later, many will be successful. You do not even know what success looks like. Which career, partner, house is the optimum one? Impossible to know. One decision does not define the end point.

    Whatever path you follow is path you are following. You cannot follow more than one. A good one may be a dead end that led to lots of failure paths.

    The path you are on is the best one because you have to make it the best one. Look forward and pick the best path from where you are.

    There will always be more options.

    All you can ask is the vision to see the paths, the wisdom to choose wisely, the courage to act. 

    For each decision you could think about it or just toss a coin. I sometimes use a coin and let fate decide.

    Chance encounters can change everything. E.g. you choose to go to a coffee shop one day, you meet someone, you start talking, they may have a job opening.

    Apply for another scholarship, apply again, do something else, do something better.

Reply

  • If you think of your life as a line, it goes along and then branches. Each branch is a decision. Whether they are big or small, each changes the path you follow. 

    If each decision has 2 options, to keep it simple, if you make 5 decisions a day you have 32 paths. You can see there are millions of paths in your life. You cannot know, or predict them.

    Some may join up again later, many will be successful. You do not even know what success looks like. Which career, partner, house is the optimum one? Impossible to know. One decision does not define the end point.

    Whatever path you follow is path you are following. You cannot follow more than one. A good one may be a dead end that led to lots of failure paths.

    The path you are on is the best one because you have to make it the best one. Look forward and pick the best path from where you are.

    There will always be more options.

    All you can ask is the vision to see the paths, the wisdom to choose wisely, the courage to act. 

    For each decision you could think about it or just toss a coin. I sometimes use a coin and let fate decide.

    Chance encounters can change everything. E.g. you choose to go to a coffee shop one day, you meet someone, you start talking, they may have a job opening.

    Apply for another scholarship, apply again, do something else, do something better.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    thank you for this. I find myself often fantasising about another lives that I could've led and almost believe that this is real. Sometimes this stops me from taking the action I need to take, or makes me think of things more theoretically speaking than in reality. Or I'm thinking about 'what path do I take in order to have a story that is worth telling', or what options should be the one i take, rather than the path I actually want.