How do you let go of regrets and the pervasive feeling that you’ll fail life

I wish i could help more, but what came to mind when i read your post was (1) positive psychology and (2) Thomas Edison, and (3) boundaries.   

I learnt from positive psychology one way to plan for a goal, step by step, is by allocating a certain amount of time in a week, for example,  to spend on the subject or goal that interests you.   So in an hour or two  for example, a person could choose and order a travel brochure.   Then the next step the following week is to allow a certain amount of time to browse it, the next could be to start saving etc.  Then set a date in the diary to review progress in a months time, or six months time, etc.

You might have already done it like this.

As for failures, i remember Edison (I think it was) who tried thousands of times to invent a light bulb.  It might help to read up on him.

As for boundaries, some people arent helpful to share hopes and dreams with because they are not encouraging, sometimes subtly.   So i have found it helpful to try to have a boundary to share things like that only with people who are nurturing, or practical and positive (and not share with other people), or i try to build up gradually towards my goals and encourage myself.   For me sharing with the wrong person can get me on a downward spiral.  Im no expert, but this is what im trying to do.  I found that sadly sometimes the 'wrong' person was someone close to me.    But more positively, once i realised this, i could start to improve things, maybe by spending more time with a different friend or even a counsellor if they werent open to feedback or changing.  Also, its okay to change a goal.    Its what matters to you that counts.

Its not too late at all to try again.   If it didnt work out before, maybe something about it wasnt right for you at that time.   Also, perhaps you could go for a shorter amount of time, as a kind of trial to see if you like it.

I hope something above was a help in some way.  Take care.

(I should say that often people dont mean to be discouraging.)

Hi aurelis, im very sorry, i rushed to reply and i ought to have said really well done, because it was a very big achievement to get through on the scholarship programme.    I dont know of anyone else who has done anything like that.   I can understand you may still be feeling disappointed and upset at not going.   How would you, yourself really want to proceed to move on if you could afford to go?

Ill disappear to sleep now.   I hope you can go gently on yourself.   

(Personally, i would need a lot of support and encouragement to aim at something similar.)

It definitely helped! thank you! especially not sharing things with some people. I feel I have support around me, but also sometimes I don't give people also the context necessary for them to give me better advice. I'm used to sharing things to frame things in a way that I get the response I expect, rather than the support I really want.

Ah, sorry, i thought it might have helped.   Im not a therapist or counsellor, and perhaps one or someone else could say something more helpful.   

I haven’t, I tend to not do things like this because I’ve felt that I need to punish myself for the ‚failure’ mentally. I also struggle to trust myself because I’ve wrote things down and not stuck with them (mind you, the things I say will help me improve are often way overambitious, which leads me into a cycle of not being able to reach it.

Hi aurelis, im glad that youre able to think through the initial steps youd like to take.

As for reframing the 'failure', have you ever tried 'brainstorming' or 'mindmapping' where things went wrong, and highlighting insights and lessons learned?

I thought this was a very thought out response, even if you say it was rushed. Thank you! I’m not sure how I would like to get there now, if I’m honest. My first steps is me trying to get back into speaking Japanese again. I was rushing to learn that too, so I’m trying to slowly learn this.

My other step is to have the courage to reach out to that organisation again. I haven’t done in a while because I’ve felt like I need to show that I’ve got something to show, since I last applied. However, they were happy to just talk with me last time I spoke with them, not related to the scholarship, and they connected me with others. So I want to try and connect to those again.

however, because my natural tendency is to jump into decisions rather than take my time to consider things, I’m realise I’m not entirely sure of my plan to go to Japan. Atleast the scholarship would have a structure made for me. If I go by myself, it’s going to be a harder battle…

I notice people don’t mean to be discouraging, but because I lean so much on for others opinions to help me navigate my world, listening is not always beneficial for me.

The step by step thing sounds helpful, I’m really used to jumping into things, so it haunts me that I’ve had many opportunities and because I take huge jumps, I don’t get to leverage these opportunities as much as I can. I’m rushing all the time, and for a while have felt on emergency mode.

Also the failures thing is a good point. I’m so afraid of failure though, and it’s a real challenge to refrain the view of how I see failure.

I thought this was a very thought out response, even if you say it was rushed. Thank you! I’m not sure how I would like to get there now, if I’m honest. My first steps is me trying to get back into speaking Japanese again. I was rushing to learn that too, so I’m trying to slowly learn this.

My other step is to have the courage to reach out to that organisation again. I haven’t done in a while because I’ve felt like I need to show that I’ve got something to show, since I last applied. However, they were happy to just talk with me last time I spoke with them, not related to the scholarship, and they connected me with others. So I want to try and connect to those again.

however, because my natural tendency is to jump into decisions rather than take my time to consider things, I’m realise I’m not entirely sure of my plan to go to Japan. Atleast the scholarship would have a structure made for me. If I go by myself, it’s going to be a harder battle…

I notice people don’t mean to be discouraging, but because I lean so much on for others opinions to help me navigate my world, listening is not always beneficial for me.

The step by step thing sounds helpful, I’m really used to jumping into things, so it haunts me that I’ve had many opportunities and because I take huge jumps, I don’t get to leverage these opportunities as much as I can. I’m rushing all the time, and for a while have felt on emergency mode.

Also the failures thing is a good point. I’m so afraid of failure though, and it’s a real challenge to refrain the view of how I see failure.

It definitely helped! thank you! especially not sharing things with some people. I feel I have support around me, but also sometimes I don't give people also the context necessary for them to give me better advice. I'm used to sharing things to frame things in a way that I get the response I expect, rather than the support I really want.

Ah, sorry, i thought it might have helped.   Im not a therapist or counsellor, and perhaps one or someone else could say something more helpful.   

I haven’t, I tend to not do things like this because I’ve felt that I need to punish myself for the ‚failure’ mentally. I also struggle to trust myself because I’ve wrote things down and not stuck with them (mind you, the things I say will help me improve are often way overambitious, which leads me into a cycle of not being able to reach it.

Hi aurelis, im glad that youre able to think through the initial steps youd like to take.

As for reframing the 'failure', have you ever tried 'brainstorming' or 'mindmapping' where things went wrong, and highlighting insights and lessons learned?