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Diagnosed with BPD and vaguely suicidal…any positive energy welcome

maxlinger60

Hi all.

I've been off the forum recently trying to piece my life together but everything seems to be falling apart. I’m generally a very optimistic person, but a long bout of depression I got the blindsiding diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, a condition that comes with very high highs and absolutely abyssal lows.
Now, I’ve only really encountered this in the media so it’s a lot to take in. all I’ve come across online or in real life are folks who demonize BPD, say anyone with this disorder is too much or abusive or doesn’t deserve love, when in reality, I’ve been the victim of multiple abusive relationships that took advantage of my caring for them. I’ve been assaulted. I’ve been manipulated. And I’d never EVER do it to another person. And yet it seems all that matters is this quiet internal hurt I keep under lock and key.

This is the seventh official diagnosis, and my second one this calendar year. I’m questioning my whole life and whether I’m actually a good person, wondering when the slew of misfortunes will stop. It’s not like me to post this kind of stuff, but I have come close to ending my own life multiple times, which is very unlike me, and I rant all the time about folks reaching out if they need help.

this is me asking for help

please, any words of support would be greatly appreciated. I don’t need your lifeblood or firstborn child or some bs, but a dog pic, a recipe, a meme, anything is greatly appreciated. Times are rough.

lots of love, and I hope you’re hanging in there,

max

Parents

  • Dear Max, I hope you get positive energy and words of support from the community. I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. Because you mentioned being vaguely suicidal, we post safeguarding information so you and others who might be going through a similar situation can get support if needed. It’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening and how you’re feeling. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

    If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: 

    https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm orsuicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.   

    You can find more information here: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

    Best wishes,

    Anna Mod

  • in reply to Anna Mod

    If I recall correctly: I believe Max may be a member of our community based in the USA 

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