Diagnosed with BPD and vaguely suicidal…any positive energy welcome

Hello.

It gives you mood swings. This means it will change.

Just hang in there.

Do something nice for yourself.

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. I don't know what to say, so here are some memes:

Friend,

I truly appreciate this and will write a longer response once I get my head together, but your words and thoughtfulness and time mean the world to me.

Hiya Max,

I am not "at the top of my game" today - a long story for another time - but I will try my best to reply (despite that acknowledgement).

I believe that by reaching out for help to all of us here; you are giving yourself a good chance of finding some ideas on how to go about better dealing with the type of potential chaos and confusion which can accompany a diagnosis (which might initially feel something of a shock or surprise).  Did I get that understanding about right?

When you said you had really only encountered BOD in the media -;I felt that insight was really important.  I would hope that; once you have the opportunity to hear from other people with lived experience of BPD / gain access to reputable information sources about BPD - you might feel a bit less isolated.

While I unfortunately cannot offer you first-hand experience of BPD, I do offer a hand of recognition across the divide from direct experience of one of BOD's pretty scary near neighbours. 

In my case, I am not "brand new" to the diagnosis involved (several years down the road) - but when someone has experience of that type of shock: they might be well placed to say with confidence: "I remember the early days, I found my route to the early stepping stones of greater stability, I continue to work through the discovery / journey / proactive maintenance  of what I learned and wish that you will hear ...that people can do each of those things". 

I never had great patience for BS (hoping I have explained things, so far, without it sounding like BS from your perspective).

There is an article which reads to me like good sense about BPD and a supporting modern research paper too - which I could signpost towards (maybe more appropriate another time). 

Right now, I suspect the more human connection (even if only best endeavour from a near neighbour, as opposed to BPD) and conversation / listening ear will feel more real, grounding and less of a platitude.  Well, I hope that might be so.

It is never fun when people just shove a digital equivalent of a leaflet or brochure in your direction - as though you were a grade school student being set homework!  A brain busy reeling from shocking news isn't always so appreciative of "read this".

Of greater priority now, I would suggest, is to think about how to slow down the racing thoughts, feelings and "what ifs" - in a safe way. 

I don't find traditional advice about breathing exercises and "relaxing" baths are the sort of strategies which speak kindly to me.  You may find different. 

What I have find helpful - is to reach back into your personal archive of enjoyed: people, places, pastimes and projects.  To harness the familiarity, comfort and solace of something already known to you.  Dust them off and refresh them appropriately to who you are now and try ine.  Just one at a time.  Pacing yourself.  If the first selection proves unsatisfactory - no matter, you are not going to be judged for trying ut out - move in to the next idea.  Try one other thing again. 

You cannot afford to give yourself permission to be harsh or judgemental towards yourself right now. 

You don't need to impatiently and frustratingly wait for a medic, family member, or friend to speak in a kind way to you - as you can kickstart that job for yourself.

Do try speaking to your concerned self in the style of kindly manner you wouldn't hesitate to do so with someone you know who seemed to be facing a troubled time.

You have a diagnosis, OK, it is still fresh news to you, that is true ...but you are not merely your label.  You are unlikely to yet know all the things which you might come to find helpful.  That can feel tough and unpredictable - and yet it is not how things will always be long-term.

If, unwittingly, I have completely misinterpreted the vibe for you right now - I hope you will feel it is OK to let me know.  I may not have the magic reply - but I have heard you and I will try to pay extra attention to this thread over the next couple of days. 

Hope that is helpful.

I got all the resources I’m gonna get, but the thought is much appreciated.

If I recall correctly: I believe Max may be a member of our community based in the USA 

Dear Max, I hope you get positive energy and words of support from the community. I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. Because you mentioned being vaguely suicidal, we post safeguarding information so you and others who might be going through a similar situation can get support if needed. It’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening and how you’re feeling. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: 

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

MIND have information pages on coping with self harm orsuicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.   

You can find more information here: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

Best wishes,

Anna Mod