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How do people let go?

Expecto_Patronum

I'm stuck in a loop of thinking at the moment that is affecting my mood and I'm wondering how other people get themselves out of situations like this.

I had a friend. Initially they really pushed for the friendship and seemed genuinely interested in me. I gradually trusted them and was very open with them and they become someone I could go to for support and to confide in. They were aware of my anxieties over friendships and past experiences. Over time I felt this friendship changing. They would still be a person I could go to and would check in but it didn't feel like they wanted the friendship part as much. I thought maybe I was overthinking it but it just seemed to get less and less. I then due to personal changes was not in a situation anymore where I regularly saw the person. I tried to carry it on by messaging etc and tried explaining how I felt but it seemed incredibly one sided. I backed off and it appeared I was correct. However, confusingly occasionally they will pop up and send a message (once every few months). I have stopped messaging first as they don't always reply and I can't cope with the anxiety and sadness this causes.

I'm struggling with this. I feel hurt and maybe even angry that they have cast me aside after they pushed to be in my life. I don't understand why they occasionally pop up whereas the rest of the time they seem completely uninterested. They are quite vocal about the people that are important to them on social media so I can be fairly confident I am not one of those people. I'm really stuck on these thoughts and emotions and it is having a big impact on my well being. I don't really have other friends and this is another experience that really puts me off trying to have any. But I also feel lonely and unlikable and want to go back to how it was. I don't understand what went wrong.

Do other people get stuck on thoughts like this? What do you do about it? I can temporarily distract myself but I will always loop back round.

Parents

  • Well the first thing is not to anchor your worth in another person. They are weak and human, they can't take the pressure. I know how you feel worrying if it's worht continuing or if they've changed or they like you or don't. It's a tough loop to get out of. 

    For me, it works to ground my identity in God. I am God's child and that never changes. If you're not Christian try grounding yourself in your own identity. You exist independantly of this person. If they are your friend or not, does not make you less. Spend time doing things you like doing. Take care of your own needs. Establish other friendships even those online. 

    You may need to end the realtionship if it's being so negative to your well being. Make a list of pro's and cons. It may help to think (or ask) what is bothering them. It may be they are also neurodivergent or have some personailty issues or something you are not aware of or a chaotic life. 

    It helps to remember your limits. I am for instance am really bad at understanding when to contact and when not or expressing my care for friends or remembering to make it about them sometimes and I often talk over them and don't listen. They might have these problems or others too. Just a clash. Is it worth it to continue or not. 

    God bless you

Reply

  • Well the first thing is not to anchor your worth in another person. They are weak and human, they can't take the pressure. I know how you feel worrying if it's worht continuing or if they've changed or they like you or don't. It's a tough loop to get out of. 

    For me, it works to ground my identity in God. I am God's child and that never changes. If you're not Christian try grounding yourself in your own identity. You exist independantly of this person. If they are your friend or not, does not make you less. Spend time doing things you like doing. Take care of your own needs. Establish other friendships even those online. 

    You may need to end the realtionship if it's being so negative to your well being. Make a list of pro's and cons. It may help to think (or ask) what is bothering them. It may be they are also neurodivergent or have some personailty issues or something you are not aware of or a chaotic life. 

    It helps to remember your limits. I am for instance am really bad at understanding when to contact and when not or expressing my care for friends or remembering to make it about them sometimes and I often talk over them and don't listen. They might have these problems or others too. Just a clash. Is it worth it to continue or not. 

    God bless you

Children
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