How do people let go?

I experienced similar situations when I was a younger adult.

I felt extremely hurt in particularly one situation as I believed I had invested considerable effort into being a good friend, yet my company wasn’t required on more and more occasions. I didn’t handle my feelings very well and the pain of rejection stayed with me for a long time. In hindsight, I realised that this “friend” and I shared little in common, so that was in addition to a lack of reciprocation.

I currently have good friends,  I would see each individually and not always often, but we always stay in touch. Our friendships developed through our love of dogs/archaeology.

I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice except to affirm yourself that you have been a good friend, and know that the other person did not share your values. Keep distracting yourself to help get through until the time when the pain will lessen. Hopefully, in time you will meet a friend or friends who will care about you.

It just seems this is the way my friendships always go. I thought it would get easier with age but it's just got harder.

Don’t give up hope. I think luck plays a part in finding friends, as well as effort. 

In my case it got easier with age, but my first close friendship didn’t really begin until I was in my 40s, with the remaining friendships only beginning within the last 11 years. 

Forgive me if I’m incorrect or you don’t want to say on this site, but I think you have a partner? I am divorced and I think that forced me to go out and try some new things, and it gave me the space to cultivate friendships. If you are with someone, please don’t think I’m suggesting you leave them. I’m just explaining the factors that contributed to my friendships. 

I understand that it is challenging to meet people, especially in group situations. I hate group situations too, mostly due to being overwhelmed and not being able to follow the conversation when there is more than one other person. I would often end up feeling stupid, as if I were a different species, and would come away exhausted. I was able to retire earlier than originally planned, and have for the most part avoided groups since then. 

I met one of my friends through walking my dog. I used to see her quite often and we would walk together and talk. The conversation was usually about our dogs, about canine behaviour, about other dogs we met, and sometimes about other people, TV programmes and books. I actually thought she was strange when we started walking together, because I thought she was asking me a lot of questions and people hadn’t usually paid me so much attention. This went on for some time before we met occasionally for lunch and then further occasions. Eventually something clicked in my brain and I realised she genuinely liked being with me. She isn’t autistic but I did eventually share my diagnosis with her, yet she has always been accepting of my dislike of groups, special interests and need for much time on my own.

I find it difficult to talk to people if I am not doing something that distracts from the focus. So that means going for a walk, visiting a museum, being in the audience at a talk or something like that. I think that has been helpful in moving the focus away from my social performance.

Have you any interests that could give you an opportunity to meet others, should you gather courage?  

No, no partner. I live alone. But I have massive social anxiety and I really struggle with group things so I just don't see a way to go out and meet people. It's also very rare that I properly develop a friendship. I don't know how people do it. There can be people that I can get along with when with them but it never seems to cross the line into actual friendship. Whereas other people seem to meet people and before long they've exchanged numbers and are messaging and meeting up etc. That's just not been my experience.

No, no partner. I live alone. But I have massive social anxiety and I really struggle with group things so I just don't see a way to go out and meet people. It's also very rare that I properly develop a friendship. I don't know how people do it. There can be people that I can get along with when with them but it never seems to cross the line into actual friendship. Whereas other people seem to meet people and before long they've exchanged numbers and are messaging and meeting up etc. That's just not been my experience.

I understand that it is challenging to meet people, especially in group situations. I hate group situations too, mostly due to being overwhelmed and not being able to follow the conversation when there is more than one other person. I would often end up feeling stupid, as if I were a different species, and would come away exhausted. I was able to retire earlier than originally planned, and have for the most part avoided groups since then. 

I met one of my friends through walking my dog. I used to see her quite often and we would walk together and talk. The conversation was usually about our dogs, about canine behaviour, about other dogs we met, and sometimes about other people, TV programmes and books. I actually thought she was strange when we started walking together, because I thought she was asking me a lot of questions and people hadn’t usually paid me so much attention. This went on for some time before we met occasionally for lunch and then further occasions. Eventually something clicked in my brain and I realised she genuinely liked being with me. She isn’t autistic but I did eventually share my diagnosis with her, yet she has always been accepting of my dislike of groups, special interests and need for much time on my own.

I find it difficult to talk to people if I am not doing something that distracts from the focus. So that means going for a walk, visiting a museum, being in the audience at a talk or something like that. I think that has been helpful in moving the focus away from my social performance.

Have you any interests that could give you an opportunity to meet others, should you gather courage?