How do people let go?

I'm stuck in a loop of thinking at the moment that is affecting my mood and I'm wondering how other people get themselves out of situations like this.

I had a friend. Initially they really pushed for the friendship and seemed genuinely interested in me. I gradually trusted them and was very open with them and they become someone I could go to for support and to confide in. They were aware of my anxieties over friendships and past experiences. Over time I felt this friendship changing. They would still be a person I could go to and would check in but it didn't feel like they wanted the friendship part as much. I thought maybe I was overthinking it but it just seemed to get less and less. I then due to personal changes was not in a situation anymore where I regularly saw the person. I tried to carry it on by messaging etc and tried explaining how I felt but it seemed incredibly one sided. I backed off and it appeared I was correct. However, confusingly occasionally they will pop up and send a message (once every few months). I have stopped messaging first as they don't always reply and I can't cope with the anxiety and sadness this causes.

I'm struggling with this. I feel hurt and maybe even angry that they have cast me aside after they pushed to be in my life. I don't understand why they occasionally pop up whereas the rest of the time they seem completely uninterested. They are quite vocal about the people that are important to them on social media so I can be fairly confident I am not one of those people. I'm really stuck on these thoughts and emotions and it is having a big impact on my well being. I don't really have other friends and this is another experience that really puts me off trying to have any. But I also feel lonely and unlikable and want to go back to how it was. I don't understand what went wrong.

Do other people get stuck on thoughts like this? What do you do about it? I can temporarily distract myself but I will always loop back round.

Parents
  • Sometimes people in our lives don’t become distant on purpose unless you of course feel this is the case? Sometimes they just don’t make the effort because of other life experiences, they are having a bad time themselves or they have become friends or closer friends with other people. This wouldn’t be because of anything you have done wrong, it’s just how it goes. I can’t relate to your own story personally because I have few friends myself and the ones I do have are not the social types, they are most likely on the spectrum themselves. The only bit I can partially register as similar is that one of my friends (of the two) will tell me when he’s free, isn’t interested in my life really and I suspect we are only friends for the sake of having friends as bad as they may sound because other than autism we haven’t much in common. 

  • They certainly made other friends. But that makes it feel worse. They have loads of options whilst I have noone. It just makes it really hard to let go.

  • Well, there’s no need to let go, as you get older friends are sort of there and not. It’s not like it is during your younger years where you do everything together and are constantly messaging each other etc. There’s sort of a natural distance probably caused mainly by more responsibilities, working too, a whole bunch of things. It also depends on what you are expecting from a friendship, it would be nice for it to be ideal but reality is often different from our own needs. 

  • I would imagine it was very difficult and perhaps unlike you to let them into your world? This would certainly sting if you felt they could just cast away all your hard work and trust. 

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